When church or ministry leaders call it quits on their marriages, the
outcome "culturally sanctions" divorce and "cheapens
grace," says marriage therapist and author Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D. Writing
in Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage (Charisma House), Mintle says
Christian couples often split over fixable problems while viewing their
marriage as a contract instead of a covenant, or "unbreakable
promise."
"What have we done with the transforming power of God?" asks
Mintle, who's also a licensed clinical social worker. "We have it for
healings and finances but not for marriage? God's power can change difficult
situations."
Mintle offers the following advice as a way for Christian leaders to
safeguard their marriages and ministries:
Be wise counselors. Clergy need to implement ministry boundaries. Men,
in particular, need to be careful "when females, who are vulnerable, are
coming in to speak with them," she says. "Be careful not to do
counseling when you're not trained to, and make sure that your door is open or
that another person is present. Avoid even the appearance of evil."
Resist the power trap. Ministers are not immune to the lure of power
that comes with the limelight of ministry. "Everything in the Bible is
about humbling yourself and not exalting yourself over God," Mintle says.
"But people are seduced by power, control and sexuality—all of which can
lead to marriage problems. It's wise to have people around who won't make you
vulnerable to these things."
Break down the barriers. The road to divorce begins with emotional
distance and leads to roadblocks of discord that get deeper and wider. "A
lot of people tend to get critical of their partner and start thinking they can
find a better mate. They become defensive and begin to harbor negative
feelings." At those times, instead of focusing on what that other person
isn't doing, call out to God.
Humbly seek help. When you're the shoulder others cry on, it's hard to
look for one of your own. "You have to humble yourself," Mintle says.
"People are broken, and it shouldn't matter who you are. There are lots of
organizations that offer help."
Rest to restore. Some leaders mistakenly believe they have special
divine privileges. "It's as if they say, 'I can get a divorce, and come
back with a new platform,'" she says. "They don't think that [the
divorce] should have any ramifications on their ministries."
Ministers who divorce need a mandatory restoration period of at least
two years "to figure out what made [the marriage] go south and then to get
some help," Mintle says. Afterward, if they return to ministry, she says,
it must be decided whether they should be "at the same level of
leadership."
By Linda Mintle (http://www.charismamag.com/life/relationships/18439-how-to-divorce-proof-your-marriage)
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