Rejection. It happens in many forms. Perhaps a group of people that
thought they knew better dismissed your divinely inspired, gee-whiz idea. Maybe
your long-built-up courage was instantly deflated by a crush who just wanted to
be friends. Or maybe you were passed over at work for a promotion you deserved.
Whatever the case, we’ve all experienced some kind of rejection, and we can all
agree that it hurts.
For some, however,
rejection is more than an occasional occurrence. It's a theme throughout their
lives, deeply rooted and woven into their identities since childhood. These are
the people no one wanted to be friends with. They were never good enough for
the sports teams. Or as an accident from conception, their families never gave
them much attention. With so much rejection, they identify with their feelings
to believe I am a reject. And this identity is the lens through which
they enter everyday life. It’s debilitating. They live in fear of people and
situations because their past dictates that they’ll always be excluded.
My Story
The sharp pain of rejection
scarred much of my childhood. I began my elementary years with extreme shyness.
I was so timid, in fact, that I was afraid to read aloud in class and didn’t
apply myself in social or athletic situations. I became a loner and was misunderstood
by my peers and dreaded the things most that age live for: recess and P.E.
class. I prayed every day that the coach wouldn’t allow us to choose teams
because I’d have to overhear why I shouldn’t be chosen and would often be the
last one standing.
With this, I entered my
adult life with an expectation of rejection. I never pursued friendships
because I was too afraid to feel the pain of someone who didn’t want to be my
friend. If I walked into a room and noticed people laughing, I automatically
assumed they were laughing at me. It was pitiful. My everyday life was
controlled by voices of the past and irrational feelings. (I detail much more
of my story in my upcoming book, Silence Satan: Shutting Down the Enemy’s
Attacks, Threats, Lies and Accusations, which will release this fall.)
But God has a habit of
taking nobodies and turning them into somebodies. Not long after my salvation
at 16 years old, I understood that one day I would be in front of others to
preach the gospel. It all seemed impossible then—for a boy once afraid to read
aloud to have the confidence to speak to crowds. Still, I pursued this call and
knew that if I was to see its fulfillment, I had to find freedom from my fear
of rejection. So, I turned to God’s Word for help.
Today, I am living the
realization of God’s call and often speak to crowds via live events, television
and Internet broadcasts, and writing. I’m pleased to say that I’m not the
fearful person I once was. But my freedom didn’t happen overnight; it came
through a decade of applying the following principles of God’s Word.
1. God Is Your Vindicator
One of the effects of my
past is that when I became an adult, I spent much energy trying to prove myself
to others. Because I craved acceptance so badly, I fell into a habit of
perfectionism, then felt I had to appear the best at things. When I fell short or
someone disagreed with me, it was a deep personal hit.
The Scripture affirms, “For
the Lord will vindicate his people” (Ps. 135:14, NRSV). To vindicate is to
show or prove something to be right or accepted. I discovered that it isn’t my
job to get people to like me—it’s God’s. When I put my acceptance in Him, I
freed myself from the constant striving to be all things to all people and from
the exhaustion of trying to get people to understand me.
God is my vindicator, and
He’s yours too! If you struggle with people, give your struggle to Him. Be
encouraged: God gives favor with the right people in the right place and at the
right time.
2. God’s Word Is Your
Ultimate Reality
God’s Word has some
wonderful things to say about who we are in Christ: We are His righteousness (2
Cor. 5:21), accepted in the beloved (Eph. 1:6) and chosen by God for His good
purposes (Eph. 1:11).
I learned the voices of my
past or current situations are not reality. Instead, what God says about us is
more real than any other opinion; His Word is the voice of truth and our
ultimate reality. When you absolutely believe this, you can walk into any
situation with confidence, regardless of your feelings.
3. Reject False Thoughts
and Feelings With God’s Word
Paul instructs us to
“destroy arguments and every proud obstacle raised up against the knowledge of
God, and … take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:4-5).
The negative thoughts and
feelings we encounter are simply Satan’s arguments and obstacles set up to hold
us back from fulfilling God’s mission for our life. Some translations refer to
these arguments as “imaginations,” because as I said above, they aren’t real.
The way we are to combat
these things is to take them captive and put them into obedience to Christ.
That is, when something comes our way that’s contrary to what God says, we are
to reject it and replace it with truth. The greatest way to do this is to speak
God’s truth aloud.
For example, when
confronted with fear, I try to quickly respond with a Scripture, like 2 Timothy
1:7: “God has not given me a spirit of fear or shyness. Instead, I have power,
love and self-discipline.”
Speaking Scripture aloud is
the model that Jesus used during His own spiritual warfare (Matt. 4:1-11.),
and it’s a great way to keep your mind focused on God’s truth and not your
feelings or circumstances. (Download my free smartphone app, Shut Up, Devil! which
puts the power of God’s Word in your pocket to silence Satan whenever and wherever
he attacks.)
Don’t Give Up
Paul encourages us, “Be
transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Rom. 12:2). Renewing is an active
and ongoing process. Only by applying the principles of God’s Word consistently
over time will you overcome your fears, hurts and wounds to experience the
transformation and freedom that is your inheritance in Christ. If you won’t
give up, I promise you will find that bold, abundant life that Jesus died to
give us (John 10:10).
By Kyle Winkler
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