Here’s some background …
My buddy told me a story
the other day about a married friend of his who had a “daycare girl,” and, yes,
it was at the church daycare. Each time this married man would show up to
church, he would gladly take the kids over to the daycare.
Why? Because he wanted to
see his “hush” crush. In other words, he looked forward to seeing a woman
that worked there that hit all the right points in him. Something about
her drew him in, in the worst way. I can’t verify if it was her look, her fragrance,
her long or short hair, or just her personality. It was something though.
That something was slowly destroying his marriage and he couldn’t even see it.
Personally…
I can’t sit here and type
and say that I have never struggled in this area. Early in my marriage and
before I truly understood the consequences, I would somehow spot a beautiful
woman. If I was at work, I’d get distracted with one woman in particular. If I
went out with friends to a restaurant, a particular waitress might catch my eye
and, you guessed it, I’d keep going back for looks.
It required no
communication between the two of us, the looking and wondering was enough.
These innocent occasions became a primary contributor to the decay of my
marriage. At the time, “I didn’t know or understand,” was a convenient
excuse. But now I know and NOW I take action to protect my marriage. Oh, and by
the way, NOW you know TOO! Keep reading…
Who might not understand?
First off, the newlywed man
might not get what I’m saying. Why? Because when marriage is new and fresh, his
bride is every bit his crush. In most cases, both spouses have attempted to be
at the top of their game for each other. And there is very little history to
make you want or think you need another woman.
Hear my words newlywed men, do
everything you can to protect your marriage right from the start. Understand
that looking at other women with lustful eyes will only damage the view you
have for your bride. No matter what, do everything you can to make her the only
woman gaining your affection. If you find yourself being brought into the
beauty of another woman, do what you can to control your emotions, get out of
the situation.
The second type of man who
might not understand is the man in denial. Typically, this will be the man
who has been married for some time. The years have maybe taken its toll on the
marriage and there is plenty of history to use as excuses. He might have one
woman in particular he likes, or he might have multiples set up at different
areas.
Hear my words,
men. “Stop, look and listen. Are you in denial about the habits, thoughts
and actions that are threatening your marriage? Are you blatantly permitting
your marriage to be destroyed? Just because the years have rolled
on, a nuclear argument had occurred, or the communication has dried up, doesn’t
permit us to fix our issues by finding someone else.
Find help now! Get out of
your comfort zone and talk about your marriage concerns with a trustworthy and
stable married male friend or pastor. Hiding your problems will only seek to
force you out of your comfort zone in a much more costly way. Let him know
what has been going on in your marriage and seek to find a resolution to your
problems. Whatever you do, do not seek advice on how to fix your marriage from
one of the women you secretly (or openly) like.
What does the Word say?
A great section of verses
for this type of scenario can be found in Mathew 19:1-10. The Pharisees are
doing their classic test questions against Jesus about the topics of marriage
and divorce.
Jesus responded with some
critical information for them and for us. Having a secret crush is plain out
sexual immorality. This is one of the only reasons it is acceptable to
entertain divorce. Another important thing to note is that husbands are to
cleave to their wife. Husbands are to become one with their wife, not
their secret crush. Dig in and read the rest of this verse section if you
haven’t yet. Start praying now that if you’re in this scenario, God would bring
closure and clarity to your situation.
What’s the Bottom Line?
Your wife should be the
only crush you have in your life (other than Jesus). She is the one you chose
to say your Vows to and she is the one you swore your love to for the rest of
your life. To seek a crush elsewhere would question your very integrity. It
would violate the very laws of what it means to be a good and faithful husband.
In case you didn’t read the
above paragraphs and need to know why your secret crush could destroy your
marriage. Here are 3 reasons why you need to stop seeing her and 3 ways to help
you in the future:
Why you need to stop seeing
her now:
1. Because you’re are a
one-woman man, and your wife deserves your all.
2. Because a secret crush
will destroy you and your marriage (matter of time)
3. Because Jesus has made
you one flesh with your wife. To betray your wife would be to betray Jesus.
3 tools to help you in the
future:
1. Open up and be honest
about your situation with a friend now. Confess it, explain it, seek
forgiveness and start working past it.
2. The next time the
opportunity comes up to see her. Man Up and either get in and get out or
request that your wife handle the situation or duty at hand.
3. Get humble and start
praying for your wife and your marriage. Make your focus more on Jesus and your
wife. It will change everything.
What are some ways you’re
able to avoid distractions and stay focused on your marriage?
By Manturity
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