If you are single, but would rather not be, I am sure you have given
significant thought about why. I know what you’re thinking: Why is it that you
don’t have a man yet certain people around you seem to hop (sometimes effortlessly)
from one relationship to another? Well, one answer is it may not be your
season. For many, it is as simple as that.
However, for others, it’s actually the right time but they’re practicing the wrong behaviors and essentially standing in their own way. (Now, before you get upset with me, just listen.) Here are 10 things I have personally witnessed my single female clients and friends do that keep them single. Are you guilty too?
However, for others, it’s actually the right time but they’re practicing the wrong behaviors and essentially standing in their own way. (Now, before you get upset with me, just listen.) Here are 10 things I have personally witnessed my single female clients and friends do that keep them single. Are you guilty too?
You Don't Believe In Love: If you truly think you are destined to live life alone
or you are of the thought that Michelle Obama married the “last good man on
earth,” you’ll be right. Why? Because our belief is our reality.
You Hold On to Someone Who Isn't Available: There are many reasons someone may not be available
to date. Is he separated or married? Perhaps he is living with his girlfriend?
If you hold on to such a person, fully knowing you are shared with someone
else, you illustrate the lowest form of self-love and that won't get you where
you want to go.
You Don't Believe Him When He Tells You the Truth: Many times, men will directly tell you their outlook
on the relationship. They’ll say things like, “I’m not interested in anything
serious” or “I don’t see myself being married.” If you hear anything similar,
don’t think you’re the one person who can and will change his perspective.
Trust me, you can’t; you won’t. Moreover, you’ll just end up wasting your time
and resources. You only have power to change yourself.
Being a Toxic Date: Toxic dates are the ones who complain all the time. They are the ones
who always blame you. They may always turn things around to make it someone
else’s fault. They overreact to bad events. If all of this sounds familiar,
"they" could be you. Toxic people are a huge energy drain. No matter
how outwardly attractive or successful someone is, toxicity just ain’t sexy.
You Do Nothing Differently: My favorite question to ask prospective clients is:
“How many dates have you gone on in the last two years?” Most answer “zero.”
(FYI - The average single in the U.S. has not been on one date in the last two
years). Then my second question is always, “Are you happy with your number?”
Most say no. My final question is always, “What are you doing differently to
change it?” Most say “nothing.” The bottom line is that in every aspect of our
life (dating included) we can’t do the same old thing and expect different
results.
You Take Bad Advice from Friends and Family: I have written a full chapter on this in my book. Your
friends are not relationship experts. Your loved ones often give bad advice.
It’s well meaning, but awful, dating advice because they aren’t objective.
Plus, they aren’t therapists or dating experts.
You Commit Too Soon: A top dating mistake that I see my clients make often is going from
casually dating someone to exclusively dating that someone within a short
period of time. This is a widespread issue. In 2012, the average U.S. couple
became exclusive within just five dates. This is much too soon. Why, because it
takes time to observe their values and it you also don’t know someone until you
have witnessed them in a time of adversity.
You're Lowering Your Standards to Compete: If you are concerned that because there are “so many
women” vying for the man you are interested in you must “compete” and do things
not within your value structure (like have sex earlier than planned), stop it.
The moment you bend on your boundaries is the moment you begin to bully
yourself.
You're Adhering to Ultimatums: Love is not selfish. Love doesn’t come with strings
attached. If you have to give in to get him, get out.
Being List Obsessed: Do you chase after preferences? (You know, like he must be 6-foot tall
and have perfect teeth?) We all have preferences and there is absolutely
nothing wrong with that. The problem is when we don’t secure our own needs
first. These are what I call in my book, “your relationship vitals” (values,
personality type, non-starters, and attraction traits) and become obsessed with
them opposed to what’s on a list of frills.