THE POWER OF A KIND WORDS

Kind words can do so many things. They can affirm, show appreciation, praise, support, give feedback, paint word pictures, brainstorm, share details of an event, write love notes and love our mate and his or her children. These are only a few ways to create intimate communication.

But every one of these takes a conscious choice to communicate with kindness. Even when you’re in the midst of a stressful situation—or angry as a hornet—you can still maintain the right heart attitude as you convey information, discuss difficult topics and even vent.
In whatever situation you are in, you can show your respect, support and love by consciously choosing your words and speaking them with a kind and loving attitude. Yes, it takes diligence and restraint, but if you choose to be careful about what you say and how you say it, you can succeed, even in the toughest situation.         
Caring for the Other

Kind communication is other-centered and honest. Using “І” statements instead of the accusatory “You” statements is a simple way to communicate well.
Instead of saying, “You never clean the counter,” you can say, “I feel unappreciated when I have to always clean the kitchen counter.” It’s a simple twist with a big reward. The listener feels empathy for you, instead of feeling accused by you. 
For both Dale and I, this type of communication takes a conscious effort since we didn’t learn it as we grew up. We have to choose to be careful about what we say, and we try to avoid saying things that will hurt the other.
Though there are times when one of says something that irritates the other, we try to assess if we really need to address it or whether we need to let it go. Our motto is: “If we can’t say something nice, just don’t say it!”
Listening to the Other
Intentionally listening to someone shows you love and care about him or her. It takes concentration, acceptance, empathy and choosing to care enough to hear what’s behind the words. When you hear your future mate’s heart, understand his or her message, and accept each other with all his or her shortcomings, you create a place of safety, a place to build and mature as individuals and as a couple.

Many of us have never really learned to listen well. We’ve learned to be selective listeners—sifting information, ignoring details, and allowing ourselves to be distracted by everything around us.
In today’s media-driven world, we are often living on information overload. We have concerns at work, at home, with the kids, with friends, in our community, in our nation and around the world. That breeds distraction, and we have to proactively be careful not to allow the cares of the world to break down our relationships; we have to choose to listen carefully to those we love.
To listen well, you have to be considerate of the other person’s need to communicate with you. That means you have to choose to shut out the distractions around you and engage with that person with your whole being—your eyes, ears and heart. You need to give them your undivided attention. Sometimes just shutting off the music or muting the television shows interest and respect for the other and contributes to good communication. Other times, it might take going for a walk together or a drive to get away from the distractions of home.

Dale and I still struggle with this. We might be in separate rooms or even on separate floors, but we somehow think the other will magically tune in to what the other is saying. Over time, we’ve begun to recognize times when we’re best suited to talk and share, and the times when we’re not.
We’ve learned that when we are driving in traffic, it’s hard for us to concentrate on a deep discussion. Dale also knows that when I’m in my writing mode and on the computer, it’s hard for me to listen well or try to have a discussion. We laugh about it. We try to do better. But the reality is that we’re still working on improving our listening skills and changing our tendency to try to communicate when the other is busy or distracted.

Your objective is to find the right time to talk and then find out what he or she is really trying to say. It helps if once you’ve heard the person, you then verify what he or she actually said is really what you heard.
You have to be continually intentional to be good, kind communicators and listeners, because good communication takes a lifetime. So never stop working at it; that’s what matters.

BY Susan G. Mathis

SHINE AS STARS

‘And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars forever and ever.’ Daniel 12:3

Today, I want to encourage you to S.H.I.N.E. As Christ’s ambassadors in this world, we must be the light that will lead them to the Father. We must exemplify true Christianity in all our dealings. Christ encouraged, ‘Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven’ (Matthew 5:16 KJV).

S – Smile – Let the joy of the Lord be reflected by the smile on your face. Be joyful, rejoice, and be glad. The Psalmist said, ‘Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased’ (Psalm 4:7). No matter how sad you are, a smile will help. Always bring the fragrance of a joyful welcoming smile.

H – Hold -your peace, talks less. Think through your response, be calm. Pause before you speak – speak peace. Be reconciliatory in your speech. James 3:2 says, ‘For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.’

I – Integrity – You must have a predetermined policy to be honest. Exemplify performance and character integrity. Build the inner man by the Word of God. Proverbs 11:3 reads, ‘the integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of transgressors shall destroy them.’

N – Nice – Be a good person, be kind. Kindness is what a blind man can see and a deaf man can hear. Have a reputation for kindness. Don’t just be right, be kind. Don’t just be strict, be sweet. Don’t just be firm, be tender. You can be tough yet tender-hearted.

E – Exemplify Excellence – If no one is following you then you are not worth being followed. Be an epitome of excellence. Go the extra mile in all you do. Be an example of believers.
Be the Christ you want to see in others. Carry your candle and light the darkness in the world around you. I wish you all great and grace. God bless you. By Rev. G. E. Erhabor

10 REASONS WHY YOU'LL NEVER BE RICH

You don't have to inherit money, win the lottery, or even be the next Bill Gates or Warren Buffett to become financially secure. With a little bit of knowledge and a lot of hard work and discipline, almost anyone can accumulate sufficient wealth -- and perhaps even great wealth -- to enjoy the creature comforts of life.

But how do you get ahead if you're living paycheck to paycheck? The fact is, no matter how much you earn you could be creating your own barriers to financial success without even knowing it. Here are ten things you might be doing that are preventing you from achieving prosperity. Change your ways and you could find yourself well on the way down the road to riches.

1, You Buy High and Sell Low: Does this sound like your investing strategy? You hear about a stock that is soaring, and you want to get in on the action, so you impulsively buy. But soon after, the stock starts tanking. You can't bear the pain of watching your shares decline further in value, so you immediately sell at a loss. As a result, you're wasting money rather than building wealth. Unfortunately, many investors buy high and sell low because they follow the herd blindly into the latest hot stock. You can resist the urge to go with the crowd if you adhere to smart investing techniques. One such technique is dollar-cost averaging, a simple system of investing at regular intervals no matter what the market is doing. While it doesn't guarantee success, it does eliminate the likelihood that you're always buying at the top -- plus, it takes the guesswork and emotion out of investing.

2, You Buy Everything New: New stuff is nice, but it's often not the best investment. Take cars. Estimates vary, but some experts say a new vehicle loses 30% of its value within the first two years -- including an immediate drop as soon as you drive off the dealer's lot. According to Kelley Blue Book, the average vehicle is worth 44% less after five years. If you're not comfortable buying something that someone else has owned, get over your hang-up because you're missing a big money-saving opportunity. Many pre-owned items can cost up to 50% to 75% less than the price you'd pay if you purchased them new. 

3, You Carry Too Much Debt: Americans have $846.9 billion in credit card debt alone. That's $7,050 per household, according to NerdWallet.com, a Web site that analyzes financial products and data. If you're only making minimum monthly payments on $7,050, it'll take 28 years and cost you $10,663 in interest before you're debt-free, assuming a 15% interest rate. And that only holds true if you don't make any additional charges. Some debts can lead to financial success -- a mortgage to purchase real estate, a credit line to start a business or a student loan to fund a college education -- but a high-interest credit card balance usually doesn't. Pay down credit cards with the steepest rates as quickly as possible. Putting $250 per month toward that same $7,050 debt will retire it in three years and save you about $9,000 in interest versus making minimum payments. 

4, You Pay Too Many Fees: Late fees, banking fees, credit-card fees -- the amounts might seem insignificant when taken individually. After all, an overdue library book or Redbox DVD might only run you a dollar. But if you're regularly paying penalties and fees, these charges can quickly eat a hole in your budget. Consider this: The average bank overdraft fee is $32.20, according to Bankrate.com, and the average charge for going outside your ATM network is $4.13. Late-payment penalties for credit cards can climb as high as $35. So how do you avoid pesky fees? Read the fine print so you understand fee rules, and stay organized so you avoid breaching those rules.

5, You Pass Up Free Money: Would you ignore a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk? Of course not. You'd bend over and pick it up. So why are you passing up other opportunities to get free money? If your employer matches employee contributions to a 401(k) but you're not participating in the retirement plan, then you're passing up free money. If you let rewards points from loyalty programs or credit cards expire, then you're passing up free money. If you claim the standard deduction on your tax return when you qualify for itemized deductions that could lower your tax bill even more, then you're passing up free money. Believe it or not, there might even be free money out there that you forgot about -- or never knew of in the first place. There are more than $41 billion worth of unclaimed assets ranging from old tax refunds and paychecks to forgotten stocks and certificates of deposit being held by state agencies, according to the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators.

6, You Neglect Retirement: It's easy to focus on the present -- the bills you have to pay, the things you want to buy -- and assume you'll have time in the future to start saving for retirement. But the longer you wait, the tougher it will be to amass a sufficiently large nest egg. For example, if you wait until you are 35 to start saving for retirement, you'll have to set aside $671 a month to reach $1 million by age 65 (assuming an 8% annual return). But if you start at age 25, you'll need to save just $286 a month to hit $1 million by the time you're 65.Even if you're creeping closer to retirement, it's not too late to start putting away money. 

7, You Spend Too Much: Plenty of Americans live beyond their means but don't even realize it. A 2012 Country Financial survey found that more than one-half of respondents (52%) said their monthly spending exceeded their income at least a few months a year. Yet only 9% of respondents said their lifestyle was more than they could afford. Of the 52% who routinely overspend, 36% finance the shortfall by dipping into savings; 22% use credit cards. Blowing your entire paycheck (and then some) each month isn't an ingredient in the recipe for financial success. Neither is draining your savings or running up card balances. To rein in spending, start by tracking where the money goes every month. Try to zero in on nonessential areas where you can cut back. Then create a realistic budget that ensures you have enough to pay the bills as well as enough for contributions to such things as a retirement account and a rainy-day fund.

8, You Save Too Little: If you're like most folks, your savings habits could use some improvement. The personal savings rate in the U.S. is just 4.9% of disposable income, down from a high of 14.6% in 1975. Only about one-half of Americans (54%) say they have a savings plan in place to meet specific goals, according to a 2013 survey commissioned by America Saves, a group that advocates for better saving habits. Saving needs to be a priority in order to build wealth. Begin with an emergency fund that can be tapped in the event of an illness, job loss or other unexpected calamity. A 2012 survey by the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority found that 56% of individuals say they have not set aside even three months' worth of income to handle financial emergencies. Once your emergency fund is well under way, you can divert small amounts toward other goals, such as buying a home or paying for college.

9, You Retire Too Early: An early retirement is a dream for many, but calling it quits if you're too young has several potential drawbacks. For starters, you could incur a 10% early-withdrawal penalty if you tap certain retirement accounts, including 401(k)s and IRAs, before age 59½. (There are exceptions.) You can claim Social Security as early as age 62, but your benefit will be reduced by as much as 30% from what it would be if you wait until your full retirement age, which falls between 66 and 67 depending on your year of birth.

10, You Don't Invest in Yourself: This might be the single biggest obstacle on your path to riches. If you're not investing in continuing education, training and personal development, you're limiting your ability to make more money in the future. "Your own earning power--rooted in your education and job skills--is the most valuable asset you'll ever own, and it can't be wiped out in a market crash," writes Kiplinger'

Source:Yahoofinance

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST?

The book of Ephesians is often called the “queen of the epistles.” It is like a Reader's Digest condensed version of the whole story of redemption from Genesis to Revelation. In one short book, the apostle Paul teaches in glorious detail what Christ's death on the cross accomplished for us, the seriousness of our need as sinners that caused God to do this, and the ways this gospel changes us practically.

Paul presents in Ephesians a great manual on “gospel-centered” living. He uses the phrases with Christ, in Christ, through Christ, with Him, in Him, and through Him over 30 times in Ephesians' six short chapters. The gospel, we see, has not just given us access to God through Christ, but it has also included us in Christ. It has sealed us in Him—a phrase that would sound blasphemous if the Bible did not say it first.

"In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise" (Eph. 1:13, NASB).

Our inclusion into Christ changes everything. It gives us a brand new identity—righteous, virtuous and powerful—because it is His identity.

Our identity is our sense of self. It is the thing that gives us continuity in how we interact with others despite changes in our circumstances. We often identify ourselves by lesser things than how God identifies us. Some of us identify ourselves by our career, our relationship status, or our children.

I have been a middle school, high school and college math teacher, jobs in which I found a great deal of personal fulfillment. Now I am a wife and mother. On the side, I am an author. Depending on the season of life, I have looked to each role to feel good about myself, to identify myself positively. But those are just roles I steward for a season. They are not my ultimate identity.

Even being the daughter of a family firmly rooted for generations in the low country of South Carolina does not ultimately define me. Jesus Christ, along with all His name invokes, defines me both here on earth and for eternity in heaven. He is my identity because I am in Him.

Practically speaking, when I mix up my roles at any given stage of life with my ultimate identity, I end up in idolatry. At the stage of life I am now as wife, mom, and author, my husband and children cannot be my identity. I cannot pin all of my hopes for the future on their personal successes. It is not fair to them, and it keeps me from placing my hope for the future in God’s hands. They become my idols when I do that.

I also cannot place my hopes for feeling good about myself on the books I write. It did not take long after publishing my first book to receive criticism from a reviewer. I figured out quickly that I would be undone if I allowed the way my books were received to make me feel good or bad about myself. Instead, God calls me to be a good steward of my roles of wife, mom, and author, not an idolater who looks to her husband, children, or books (or whatever stewardship God has given at the time) for her sense of personal achievement.

The problem with idols is not that they will not affirm us and satisfy us in the way that we long. The problem is they cannot. It is not in their power. We devastate relationships in our lives when we look to certain people to meet needs in us God never intended them to meet.

A spouse, friend, or child may try for a season to fill those needs and make us happy, but at some point, they will become so discouraged by the utter depth of our need and our inability to be satisfied with anything they do that they will push us away, perhaps even severing the relationship completely.

Jesus alone is our ultimate source of identity. But what exactly does it mean for us to find our identity in Christ? The Bible uses several word pictures which I find helpful to communicate the details of our relationship with Christ. The Word paints believers at multiple places in Scripture as, first, Christ's cherished bride. By Wendy Alsup

HOW DO I STOP COMPARING MYSELF WITH OTHERS?

Q: How do I stop comparing myself with others?

1. Get clear about you. 
A sense of self lets you see others' successes and become better, not bitter. List words that describe you: smart, strong, kind; mother, friend, visionary. Value yourself and you won't want to be like anyone else.

2. Seek meaning, not approval. 
When you spend your life chasing recognition, you can also expect to spend it worrying about who's passing you by. If you work to advance your dreams, your place in the pecking order ceases to matter.

3. Know that everyone has her own strengths. 
Our parents told us, "Sit up straight like your brother. Clean your room like your sister." The result? We learned to measure what we do by what others have done. But that isn't useful when every individual has unique gifts.

4. Emulate what works. 
When someone does something well, assess what made her succeed and figure out ways to incorporate those traits in your own life. If that's possible, great! If not, refer to #1—and keep doing you. By Iyanla Vanzant

WITH THE SAME MEASURE (expect harvest)

Saturday November 16, 2013 will remain forever fresh in my memory...why? It was such a delight to see God fulfill His word in ways beyond what my little brain comprehend. Mothers Summit is a vision that God gave my mentor, Rev. Mrs Funke Felix-Adejumo, I cannot but be fascinated at the zeal and enthusiasm with which this woman travels around the world encouraging mothers to pray for their seeds. This woman sowed seeds of faith, Christian and godly conduct in my life as an individual about 20 years ago, and I cannot thank God enough who caused my path to cross hers.

 

Where are you in life? What difference can you make in the lives of those around you? Do you procrastinate about the things you need to do today to make a difference? Do you count the cost too much to make a difference? God is a God of principles and He will honor His principles in the life of whoever follows them. Obedience is the shortest way to blessings. What are you measuring out? Goodness, kindness, love and support are fast becoming scarce even at the altar where everyone has become a hoarder and hugger. A man of God says; "you cannot be a star forever" that does not mean your star will grow dim but in the face of age, natural decline etc, you are not likely to be able to do the things you do in your stride today the same way in another 30 years no matter how strong you are. Are you measuring out anything to bless others? If you help fan someone else's fire to flame, be sure there will be someone else waiting to help you blossom. 

We prayed some dangerous prayers at the Mothers summit, one of the prayers was that "our children will not marry their enemies", also, "that they will not marry our enemies". So if you are a daughter in-law and you have been an enemy, how do you reverse that prayer? The world runs on seeds and you cannot pattern the way you live your life after how someone else lives theirs. It is not easy to be on the receiving end especially if what is being dished out is not palatable. Whatever God does shall be, do you attempt to crush dreams, ideas because they do not originate from you? Do you compete endlessly because you too must be heard, seen even in your marriage?

Whether you are a man or woman, you do not need to make life miserable unto others. Ps. 133:1 "Behold how beautiful it is for brethren to dwell together in unity". How often do we neglect the way of peace if it does not massage our egos? When in the family, church or among friends, it is very easy to throw caution to the wind if we are not the centre of attention. The world is a great place when all works well around us but if for a minute we fail to get the desired result, our utterances change...hmm.

Luke 6:38b, For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” In your relationship, among colleagues at work, among brethren at church, from your spouse or family members, what you dish out will be measured back to you. If you find it difficult to say amen, then you might want to watch your actions. If you are not worried but eager to say amen, keep the good work. 

Everything we do in life is a seed, when it germinates, it brings back more than we sows Keep sowing and with the same measure, expect harvest!

By Omo Ishow

SOME LOVELY & SOPHISTICATED: CLASSY ASO EBI STYLES

When it comes to wearing gorgeous traditional attires, some people know the nitty gritty of how well to go about it, how to combine the colors, gorgeous accessories that will complement the amazing attire and how to especially tie the ‘Gele’. Enjoy and have fun….

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