The 3 Passive Actions That Are Killing Marriages

"The heart of a man needs to be engaged; it needs to feel like it belongs and is understood."

Husbands are losing their marriages because they won't communicate. Wives are losing their marriages because they won't let their husbands communicate.

It's a vicious cycle that is killing marriages every day. It's part of a cycle that is creating passive and rejected men.

I've seen it first hand in multiple couples. Put them in a group of people and they'll talk a good talk, but put them in a room together, and the communication train derails almost immediately. He doesn't want to say anything to offend her, and she is waiting for him to say the wrong thing.

What happens next? He disengages and resorts to one of the following methods of passivity:

1. Sarcasm. Sarcasm used to be my second language. I would use it often as a way to get out of tough communication situations. I would use it just so I would have something to say in a conversation I wasn't comfortable in. It became one of the reasons for my near divorce early in marriage.

Sarcasm is typically an over-exaggeration of a comment or circumstance. It's a defensive method used to dodge the truth or accuse the other person, typically your wife. It can even come across as a joke. This is especially harmful in group situations. In order for a husband to feel better about himself and his personal issues, he may choose to make jokes about his wife to the other people around him. This builds him up and tears her down.

No marriage will last if sarcasm is one of the leading means of communication.

A great marriage will stay clear of sarcasm and seek to engage in meaningful discussions.

2. Silence. A silent man is a man causing a slow death to his marriage. Silence becomes the answer to a man's problem when he can't share his heart with his wife and be accepted. In other words, he can't freely share the issues on his heart without being torn down or disrespected by his wife.

How many times does it take for him to disengage? Not very many at all. In my personal experience in early marriage, it only took a few times for me to realize that it was easier to not tell my wife what was wrong than to actually tell her. The main reason this becomes an issue is because the wife thinks his issue is more about her than it is about him. Wives, please understand that if your husband has something to get off his heart, he needs you to listen and understand. You want him to be able to come to you.

No marriage will survive long with a silent husband.

A great marriage will allow for open and honest communication from both spouses.

3. Avoidance. Men who avoid interacting in their marriage are doing it for a reason. From long work hours to extra time spent with their friends, he is tired of spending time with his wife and will find any means to be away. These husbands need to rarely worry about sarcasm or silence, because they are always away.

Avoidance can be caused in many ways. I know men who work hard all day and then come home only to be drilled with things to do and a stressed wife. The mindset soon sets in that his hard work is not appreciated, and he can find appreciation elsewhere. This, of course, is one of the most dangerous forms of passivity in a marriage. Appreciation could be found by going to the local hangout, climbing the corporate ladder, or seeking respect from another woman.

No marriage will last when avoidance is the main goal.

A great marriage involves two people working and communicating together side by side. It involves trust.

How can you avoid becoming a passive husband and build a strong marriage? These two steps are not easy, but they are musts if you seek resolution:

First, if you fall into one of the three categories listed above, you need to invite Jesus into that situation. Get over your whole macho, "I'm a man, I don't need Jesus" delusion and honestly ask Jesus to enter that part of your life. Ask Him how to resolve your issue and how you can speak to your wife about it.

Second, after praying for some time, set a time to speak with your wife about the situation. Let her know that you've been honestly praying for some time about the issue and would like to discuss it with her. Lay out what you've been praying about and what's on your heart. Allow for some back and forth and then pray together at the end. Invite God into that situation, or situations if she adds her side of the story, and work on it each day from that time forward.

It's worth it, and you can do it.

Are you being passive in your marriage? Share your struggles in the comments section so that others can help. What are some ways you fight being a passive husband?

Manturity

ENTERTAIN NO FEAR

May the LORD our God be with us, as He was with our fathers. May He not leave us nor forsake us. 1 Kings 8:57

It is sad that even though there are many strong assurances in the Bible of God's abiding presence, angelic protection, and divine provision, too many of us still worry ourselves with many things.

Instead of affirming God's promises for our lives, we choose to meditate on all the evil that Satan could bring upon us.

How often have we missed God's blessing because we are so full of fear that there is no room for faith to appropriate God's promises?

Some of us wake up in the morning and set the wheels of worry rolling. Instead of setting our minds on the goodness of the Lord and what He will do for us, we cripple ourselves with fear and worry.

We make our burdens heavier and more unbearable with negative speculations and "what ifs". It is amazing the things we worry about: "Will my car make it to work? Will I get sick? Will I get fired?

Will I have an accident? Will I make it home again safely? Will my home be here when I come back? What about the children, my spouse?

On and on we go as we poison our souls and squeeze God out of the equations of our lives.

Just as faith will release the power of God to fulfill our desires, fear will activate the forces of evil to turn your worries into reality.

If you dwell on all the negative "what ifs", your worries will drive you into a state of panic. In that state of panic, you will begin seeing your fears come true.

You worry that you are going to get ill. The worry causes your stress level to rise, which in turn, brings on all kinds of physical symptoms that will eventually make you ill.

Today, make a choice to start a faith-filled life that is focused on the promises of God for your life.

Prayer: I reject the spirit of fear and embrace the spirit of faith.

Scriptural Reading: 1. Kings 8:54-61

His Fiery Judgment

TEXT: 2 CHRONICLES 21:12-20

Key verse: “Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives, and all thy goods” (2 Chronicles 21:14).

Billy Graham told a story of how he was arrested on a traffic offence and charged to court. According to him, he pleaded guilty and the judge, who was though friendly, was embarrassed that Graham could commit such an offence. As he could not pervert the course of justice, because that would have been inconsistent with impartiality, the judge concluded that Graham must pay the penalty of the offence. While reflecting this from the scriptural perspective, Graham pointed out that inasmuch as God is a God of love, He is equally a God of justice, otherwise everything about Him would not be meaningful.

According to our text, Elijah, the prophet of God, equally revealed a God of justice, as He brought a damning judgement upon Jehoram, the wicked king. The charges against Jehoram were many: he departed from the good ways of God, which he was taught; he conformed to the ways of the house of Ahab; he set up and enforced idolatry in the land; he murdered his brethren because they were better than him; and unlike Ahab, when the threat of judgment came, he slighted the warning.

Bad men bring God’s judgment to people around them. This was what happened to Judah, as Jehoram’s sins brought calamities upon them. His wives, children, substance and the entire land of Judah suffered the consequences of his actions. Jehoram suffered the same fate; he was afflicted with a violent inflammation of the bowels until the bowels fell out.

On this wicked king, God brought His judgment. Jehoram, visibly cursed of God, was hated while he lived and neglected when he died.

The end of a sinful life is dreadful in this world; and a neglect of God’s warning will lead to an even more dreadful eternity in hell.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: It is dangerous and damning to fall into the hands of the living God.

HAVE A HUMBLE HEART

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 1 Peter 5:5

The eyes of LORD" is a theme running throughout Scripture. Take, for example, the familiar words of 2 Chronicles 16:9, "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him."

Obviously, God doesn't have physical eyes; God is spirit. He doesn't need physical eyes, because He's also omniscient. Nothing escapes His notice. He's aware of all things.

But though He's aware of everything, He's also searching for something in particular, something that acts like a magnet to capture His attention and invite His active involvement.

God is decisively drawn to humility. The person who is humble is the one who draws God's attention, and in this sense, drawing His attention means also attracting His grace   His unmerited kindness.

Think about that: There's something you can do to attract more of God's gracious, undeserved, supernatural strength and assistance!

What a promise! Contrary to popular and false belief, it's not "those who help themselves" whom God helps; it's those who humble themselves.

This is the promise of humility. God is personally and providentially supportive of the humble. And the grace He extends to the humble is indescribably rich.

As Jonathan Edwards wrote, "The pleasures of humility are really the most refined, inward, and exquisite delights in the world."

We want to position ourselves to receive and experience those exquisite pleasures.

Why don't you make it your goal to pursue the virtue of humility and therefore attract God's attention and favour?

Prayer: Thank You, Father, for Your grace to be humble.

Scriptural Reading: 1 Peter 5:5-11

INSPIRATIONAL WORD: IT'S TIME TO PUT OUR IDEAS INTO ACTION!

There are two kinds of failures: those who think and never act, and those who act and never think.
Don’t be either. Great achievers think and act. Put your ideas into action! Take the first step, and then the next… Do something today! Be bold. Be strong. Step forward. Jehovah Almighty is with you. He will magnify your small steps into GIANT LEAPS!!

God's Heart-Felt Joy

TEXT: LUKE 15:1-10

Key verse: “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance” (Luke 15:7).

There was this story of a man, who had no legs, but found joy to glorify God. The narrator said: “While walking along a busy street one day, I heard someone singing. His sweet voice was distinguishable even above the noise of the traffic. When I located him, I noticed that he had no legs and was pushing himself through the crowd in a wheelchair. Catching up with him, I said, ‘I want you to know, friend, that to hear wondrous songs from a person in your condition gives everyone else a lift.’ He answered with a grateful smile, ‘When I thought about what I had lost and began concentrating on all I had left, I found much for which I could rejoice.’

This is exactly the joy in heaven for a sinner, who has repented of his or her sin. From our text, Jesus Christ promptly responded to the bigoted but ignorant religious leaders, who thought He was doing wrong by coming close to sinners. Rather, He made it clear that what was paramount in the heart of God and in the kingdom of heaven is that sinners repent.

For a single sinner who repents in a corner here on earth, his or her neighbours and friends may not be aware of his decision, but the whole of the kingdom of heaven is rejoicing that this sinner has repented. Those friends, neighbours, relations, spouses, classmates or business associates who later begin to see the manifestation of repentance in the former sinner may disdain him for his new decision. They may persecute or rail at the new convert, but heaven is already rejoicing over him.

Religion without conversion is therefore worthless and empty. It is an exercise in futility. Heaven is sad that majority of people are on the path of perdition. Do you want to gladden the heart of God? Do you want heaven to rejoice over you? Repent therefore and be converted. Do not care about what people do or say to you.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Seek to cultivate things that will bring joy to God.

DELICIOUS AND STUNNING KIT KAT CAKES

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