Some guidelines for men who are looking for wives, Since I am mentoring several young men right now and have seen a few of them marry successfully during the past few years, it wasn’t difficult to draft this list. These are the women I tell my spiritual sons to avoid:
1. The
unbeliever. In last week’s column, I reminded women that the Bible is
absolutely clear on this point: Christians should not marry unbelievers. Second
Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what
partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light
with darkness?” (NASB). Apart from your decision to follow Christ, marriage is
the single most important decision you will ever make. Don’t blow it by ignoring
the obvious. You need a wife who loves Jesus more than she loves you. Put
spiritual maturity at the top of your list of qualities you want in a wife.
2. The
material girl. One young friend of mine was engaged to a girl from a rich
family. He saved up money for months to buy a ring, but when he proposed she
told him he needed to go back to the jewelry store to buy a bigger diamond. She
pushed her fiance to go into debt for a ring that fit her expectations. She
wanted a Tiffany’s lifestyle on his Wal-Mart budget. I warned my friend that he
was stepping into serious trouble. Unless you want to live in debt for the rest
of your life, do not marry a girl who has dollar signs in her eyes and eight
credit cards in her Gucci purse.
3. The
diva. Some macho guys like to throw their weight around and pretend they
are superior to women. Divas are the female version of this nightmare. They
think the world revolves around them, and they don’t think twice about hurting
somebody else to prove their point. Their words are harsh and their
finger-snapping demands are unreasonable. Some of these women might end up in
leadership positions at church, but don’t be fooled by their super-spiritual
talk. Real leaders are humble. If you don’t see Christlike humility in the
woman you are dating, back away from her and keep looking.
4. The
Delilah. Remember Samson? He was anointed by God with superhuman strength,
but he lost his power when a seductive woman figured out his secret and gave
her man the world’s most famous haircut. Like Delilah, a woman who hasn’t
yielded her sexuality to God will blind you with her charms, break your heart
and snip your anointing off. If the “Christian” woman you met at church dresses
provocatively, flirts with other guys, posts sexually inappropriate comments on
Facebook or tells you she’s OK with sex before marriage, get out of that
relationship before she traps you.
5. The contentious woman. A young man told me recently that he dated a girl who had serious resentment in her heart because of past hurts. “Before I would propose, I told my fiancee she had to deal with this,” he explained. “It would have been a deal-breaker, but there was a powerful breakthrough and now we are engaged.” This guy realized that unresolved bitterness can ruin a marriage. Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” If the woman you are dating is seething with anger and unforgiveness, your life together will be ruined by arguing, door-slamming and endless drama. Insist that she get prayer and counseling.
6. The
controller. Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and the only way it works is
when both husband and wife practice mutual submission according to Ephesians
5:21. Just as some guys think they can run a marriage like a dictatorship, some
women try to manipulate decisions to get their way. This is why premarital
counseling is so important! You don’t want to wait until you’ve been married
for two weeks to find out that your wife doesn’t trust you and wants to call all
the shots.
7. The
mama’s girl. It’s normal for a new wife to call her mom regularly for
advice and support. It is not normal for her to talk to her mother
five times a day about every detail of her marriage, including her sex life.
That’s weird. Yet I have counseled guys whose wives allowed their mothers (or
fathers) total control of their marriages. Genesis 2:24 says a man is to leave
his parents and cleave to his wife. Parents should stay in the background of
their children’s marriages. If your girlfriend hasn’t cut the apron strings,
proceed with caution.
8. The
addict. So many people in the church today have not been properly
discipled. Many still struggle with various types of addictions—to alcohol,
illegal drugs, prescription medicines or pornography—either because we don’t
confront these sins from the pulpit or we don’t offer enough compassionate
support to strugglers. Jesus can completely set a person free from these
habits, but you don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out your wife
isn’t sober. You may still be called to be married, but it is not wise to tie
the knot until your girlfriend faces her issues head-on.
Your
best rule to follow in choosing a wife is found in Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is
deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be
praised.” Look past the outward qualities that the world says are important,
and look at the heart.
Source: J. Lee Grady