How to Have a successful Marriage

A soul-mate marriage does not at all mean that you have found someone you match up with on all the

cards – on all the issues, on everything. That would be the most deadly dull thing to even imagine. Instead, it means you've found someone and they don't ever want to blow out that little light inside you. And you feel the same way about them.

Growing up, seeing my Dad and Mum play the happy couple, holding hands, stealing kisses, made marriage look so easy and beautiful. Hummmm for where?
Don't get it twisted, I saw them argue and quarrel as if they couldn't stand each other, but the next minute, they were back to their normal routine of holding hands and stealing kisses, even till my father passed at 97.
Parents shouldn't really worry that children never listen to them, they should worry that they are always watching them. I always had my reservations about 'happily ever after' especially after 3 failed marriages. I always wondered how two strangers can be together for 40 yrs, and guess what, I just woke up to discover that I have been with the same woman, the same smell, the same routine for the past 36 yrs, damn! Someone form another background, home training, different ideology, IQ, so many things different, if not all.
When you are not yet married, people give you reasons why you should get married, as if one could just go to the shop and pick a spouse off the shelf. Even if that was the case, how do you know what you are buying until you take it home? They tell you everything good about marriage and how interesting it can be, but they never promote the down side. “Just marry the right person” is what they always say but ‘right’ itself is relative. Who is the right person? Dem never born dem joor. In my village they will always say, if one waits to marry someone like themselves, they probably will wait forever.
Sometimes I think my wife is too good for me and some other times I feel I should have done better.

Get it straight, marriage is no fairy tale. Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy - and satisfied. It's your job to make your marriage happy - and satisfying. Same goes for sex. It isn't supposed to make you passionate and "hot". It's up to you to make it passionate and "hot" - and intimate. I see people getting married every weekend and I wonder if they know what they are getting into. So many are consumed by just wanting to get the title, some by the ceremony, others think it’s a safe haven. As usual most of us don't want to do the job, we want it so easy. Hmmmmmmmm, see gobe!

The first time I got married, I guess my head was filled with assumptions of what marriage should be like; of-course I was immature and an armature. However, it wasn’t what I had assumed and so it failed. The others too didn’t work out because maybe I wasn’t psychologically and mentally prepared for the mess, crap and bullshit in marriage.
I’ve been married to my wife Lady Diane for years and the seeming success of our marriage maybe as a result of my experience from my other broken marriages. Let's tell it as it is, marriage is somewhat putting up with a lot of crap and bullshit, and we must have a strong stomach for that. The word 'marry' is fusing two imperfect things together; so how is it possible that two imperfect things are merged? I guess it just means two people willing to be in a mess together, constantly finding a way out.
When asked my secret of love, being married for over 36-years to the same person, I say, "Diane and I are happily incompatible and I have learnt to live with that. She is an extrovert and believe it or not, am an introvert regardless of how I put out as Charles.

The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that they can't possibly doubt that you love them. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. It was when I released that love was forbearance that I had a successful marriage. Both parties have to know and have that. You bear and you keep bearing and you keep bearing. To be a bearer you must be a forgiver, sometimes no apologies rendered. Oooops! Yeah, that’s marriage.
Rice can never be beans and beans can never be rice, if you like cook them in the same pot they will always be different. They’ll still perform their different functions, what you will get is a different taste from the mixture. That’s marriage, what you get is not as a result of only you anymore but a mixture of two. You've got to take it as it comes. What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with each other's incompatibility.
Marriage is usually a disaster when so many things take the partners by surprise, when things don’t turn out as assumed. The good always comes with the bad, so it is with everything in life, marriage inclusive. Any fool can have a trophy spouse. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage. I bet that getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life. It's like the ultimate merit badge. My late father stayed married to my mum for 60-something years. Looking at my stubborn mother, he must have been willing to stomach a lot of crap, but am also aware that my mum swallowed lotta bullshit too. 

Lastly have Jesus in your home, Jesus is a good director to every successful marriage.

By Charcles

Prayer for new week

May your doors of success be always open to you, May you see opportunities where other people see

troubles, May the Lord's presence never hide from u, May He grant all the desires of your heart.

Because of you, your family is blessed. You will always stand and not fall.
Abundant wealth and good health shall be your portion now and always in Jesus name.

Happy New Week from us ASB-World. 

HOW TO DECORATE COLORFUL SWIRLED CUPCAKES WITH THIS EASY TECHNIQUE

To frost cupcakes like a pro we have brought for you this easy technique that is as easy as winking. All you need to do to is to put a piping bag with your favorite nozzle tip in a glass as shown. 

After that with the help of a paint brush, paint strokes of gel food coloring inside the piping bag and then gently fill it with whipped cream or white frosting. Then comes the fun part where you can create patterns on top of the cupcakes and the color strokes inside the piping bag will do their magic. For  details visit chica and jo.

decorator’s icing recipe:

• One 2lb bag of confectioner’s sugar
• 2/3 cup shortening
• 1 tsp vanilla
• approx 3/4 cup water

Add sugar, shortening, and vanilla to the bowl of a stand mixer (I absolutely can not live without my KitchenAid – especially for icing!). Add about 1/2 cup of water and begin mixing on slow speed. Add additional water as needed until the icing is the texture you like. Be careful not to add too much at once! (If you do, just add more sugar). Finding the right texture takes a little practice; too thin and your decorations won’t be firm, but too thick and you won’t be able to squeeze it out of the bag. See pic below:

Steadfast, Even In Pain

TEXT: JOB 27:1-10

Key verse: “My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live” (Job 27:6).

The great missionary statesman, Adoniram Judson, admonished: “The motto of every missionary, whether preacher, printer, or schoolmaster, ought to be ‘Steadfast for Life’.”

That, exactly, was Job’s conviction. He had suffered terrible troubles, which he supposed God was the cause. Job was a genuine child of God and he promised to speak the truth. In spite of his predicament, Job still trusted God. His friends, however, insisted that he was suffering because of his evil deeds, which Job argued to the contrary. He did examine himself and was sure, beyond doubts, that he did no wrong to warrant his friends’ castigation and misfortune.

Remarkably, he resolved not to yield to the temptation to voice out wicked or deceitful words, which could prove his accusers right. He also resolved to guard his integrity jealously, clinging tightly to his righteousness and permitting no reproach in his life. Whatever his detractors might say, he was ready to shun all forms of hypocrisy. He was certain that, if he compromised his integrity, God would not hear his prayers, as a prayer of a sinner is an abomination unto Him. God would not provide for, nor preserve the wicked, but He would rather visit him with weeping and death.

Job had a clear conviction of where he belonged and where he was going - heaven. Some Christians today, instead of holding on to their integrity, would rather compromise their faith. They forget that they have been cleansed and saved from their sins. Therefore, they should not trifle with the righteous life, which God has given them. Whatever your situation in life, if God has made you righteous, treasure it more than anything else. Wealth, fame and commendation of men will all die with men on this earth, but it is only righteousness of life that will transport a person from earth to heaven. Be wise, therefore, and remain steadfast in the faith.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Behind Calvary’s cross is the throne of heaven.

The 6 Weakest Excuses Christians Use to End Their Marriages

Ben and Marie (not their real names) have been together for 12 years, and they have three children. Their marriage was never perfect, and their arguments never stopped mainly because they never had enough money to pay their bills. In the end, Marie decided to end the marriage simply because, she claimed, God "told her" to divorce. A few months later, God "told her" to move in with another man.

The church today is full of stories like this. While there are certainly justifiable and biblical reasons for ending a marriage, way too many believers are taking the easy road to divorce and paving the way for others with their bad examples. This has become a special problem in some charismatic circles, because we believe in hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit. Today, it's convenient to blame the Holy Spirit for our bad choices by saying "God told me to do it."

Here are the six most common bad excuses I've heard recently from people who chose the easy road to divorce instead of the narrower path to healing:

1. "We never should have married in the first place." Couples who are in love can make foolish decisions, for sure. Some hurriedly elope without any pre-marital counseling, while others aren't financially ready—so marriage becomes a nightmare of stress and unpaid bills. Once you choose to marry, you must assume the responsibility of adulthood. Grow up and accept the consequences of your choices. If you shirk your responsibility now by bailing out, you will end up running from maturity the rest of your life.

2. "Our families don't get along." I recently learned that a young man who had been married for two years—and gotten his wife pregnant—decided to leave the marriage because his parents never liked his choice for a wife. That's ridiculous. A marriage is not between families—it's a unique relationship between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:24 says a man should "leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife." Married couples who allow parents to control their marriages are headed for disaster.

3. "We've grown apart." This is a classic line, but the accurate translation is: "I'm copping out." It is also an indication that your connection with your spouse is based more on fluffy romantic feelings than a solid covenant commitment. Satan loves to divide—and he will use suspicion, mistrust, anger, bitterness and abusive words to create a toxic environment in your home. Don't give the devil this opportunity (see Eph. 4:27) by listening to his lies. Jesus can reconnect what you've allowed to drift apart.

4. "We argue too much." That's a lame excuse. Many married couples in the Bible had frequent disagreements—including Abraham and Sarah, the father and mother of our faith. Arguing is actually healthier than burying your emotions—as long as you know how to resolve a conflict and let go of anger quickly. If you and your spouse argue constantly, it could be a sign that you don't manage stress well or that one or both of you need some new communication skills. Finding a new spouse will not fix your problem if the problem is you!

5. "Counseling didn't help." I'm a big believer in marriage counseling, and estranged couples should always pursue counseling before calling it quits. But if your marriage has been in trouble for years, three one-hour sessions with a pastor will not fix your problems overnight. Counselors are not magicians. Be patient. If your marriage is in shambles, it will take some time to repair it. It may take months just to clear away the debris before you can rebuild.

6. "God told me to marry someone else." This is the most laughably absurd excuse I've ever heard, but even preachers have used it. One California minister divorced his wife and married another woman within a week because "God said to." It's sad that God gets blamed for such foolishness. If you ever think God is telling you to do something that clearly contradicts the Bible, you are under the influence of a deceiving spirit. Please humble yourself and get help immediately.

If you are having marriage problems, and you think divorce is your only option, stop everything and take a deep breath. Go slow. Before you race to open the escape hatch, or seek to justify your exit, ask God to give you His counsel—and seek help from friends.

While there certainly can be situations where divorce is inevitable, don't assume this is your only option. The Father's love and mercy may surprise you.

J. Lee Grady

Relationship: How to Finally Win the 'Blame Game' in Your Marriage

Chances are you both are responsible for your marriage issues. Now, stay with me here.

My wife and I struggled for years when it came to our marriage issues, especially when it came to God. 

Sunday morning is a great example. We would wake up Sunday and ask if church was on the schedule or not. I'd deflect and ask what time it started. She'd deflect and ask what else was going on that day. In short, we would "excuse" ourselves out of going to church. Then we would lie in bed, not helping our marriage and slowly destroying it. And for what?

As a changed husband looking back, I had to ask myself some hard questions. There may be some hard questions you need to be asking in your marriage too. How could I have approached situations differently? Was I really being the spiritual leader? Was I really loving my wife by giving in to laziness and fear?

What questions require honest answers in your marriage?

Let's look at a few more scenarios ...

You want to lead in your marriage, but instead of getting or asking for help, you hope the regular Sunday morning message at church will hold the answers you seek. Maybe.

So things are really rough in your marriage, and the only thing you do is pray. I am a firm believer in prayer, but I also believe that God has given certain people specific tools to use and help marriages grow. Don't stop praying, but get off your butt and get some help from a counselor, mentor or pastor.

Say you're dating this wonderful girl, and you're thinking about marriage. That's great, but the problem is you live together and continue to have sex. Who's fault is it? I'll say it's both partners' fault. My advice to the men is to step up and stop. Don't wait for her to stop, be honest with her and let her know your heart. Wait for marriage. Trust me, it's possible and it's worth it.

So how can you lead? How can you stop blaming your spouse for all the issues and start taking responsibility in an effective and safe way?

Here are 5 questions you need to ask yourself:

1. Am I honestly doing everything I can to lead?

2. Have I communicated my feelings honestly to my spouse?

3. Have I honestly been praying about the situation on a daily basis and seeking God's direction (not your own).

4. Have I honestly and maturely discussed the situation with a church elder,  pastor, a friend, a mentor or a marriage counselor?

5. How long have I been passing the blame onto my spouse, when the issue is really mine to take care of? 

Carefully consider the questions above and start making big changes in your marriage or relationship today! That's right, don't wait any longer!

Have you experienced this in your marriage or relationship? What are some ways you and your spouse effectively communicate with each other and throw water down on the blame-game fire?

Manturity

PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD ALONE

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put your confidence in princes. - Psalms 118:8-9

The electrical power of a hotel was interrupted resulting in the elevator stopping between floors with passengers aboard.

One of the passengers on the elevator began to beat on the door and to shout for the people in the hallway above to do something quickly to get him out.

One of the people in the hallway attempted to calm the stranded passenger with the assurance that help would soon arrive.

He shouted, “The hotel has a generator system to back up the power.

The maintenance man will soon have the power restored to the building and the elevator will be opened”.

Then the anxious passenger shouted back, “But I am the maintenance man!”

Sometimes, we trust in people to solve our problems when the people themselves are trapped in their own problems.

On the outward, they may appear very competent and capable but in private, they could just be people of straw who are incapable of solving their own problems.

God desires that we trust Him totally in all areas of our lives. Yes, we will have to deal with people in all human activities but we must not make them the object of our trust and hope.

Even though people can the best intentions for us, we must always remember that they are just humans and limited in what they can do for us. We express our confidence in the Lord by:

• Going to Him in prayers constantly.

• Believing His promises without wavering.

• Trusting in His timing and purposes

Prayer: O Lord, in you alone I put my trust, for my help comes from you alone.

Scriptural Reading: Psalms 118:1-9