INSECURITY hmmm

Insecurity simply means lack of confidence or assurance. It affects both male and female and can without any doubt eat at the core of unity in the home.

What causes insecurity? Comparison: when you measure yourself with other people. When you compare your friends’ lifestyle, as well as achievements with yours in terms of career, material acquisition, educational qualification and so on you are likely to feel insecure. Every time you compare yourself with others and you fall short, you lose your sense of confidence.  Your level of education does not determine how well you can function in life, strive to be the best at what you do.

**You are unique, and original, never try to be someone else’s photocopy. Comparing yourself with others shows lack of wisdom.

Immediate gratification: the need to have material things and have them now, also make people insecure when they fall short. There is the saying that “good things come to those who wait” is true. Insecurity sets in when you want things right now and you cannot afford to have them.  A young couple who is just starting out in life may not have the kind of furniture older and more settled couples have. That does not make you any lesser than others, you are at a phase in your life and the understanding that you too will outgrow that phase should keep you confident.

**Sometimes you have to wait, mature or grow to have some things, you probably have friends whose rides are sleek and expensive but if you can not afford that at your level, it does not make you any lesser than them. Life is in phases and men are in sizes.

Identity Crisis: an identity crisis is when you do not know who you are. This is not referring to your mental status or orientation to time and place. However, this refers to knowing your strengths, weakness, personal values and goals. When a person had no mind of their own, they are easily persuaded and swayed to do things whether they believe those things or not. Insecure people find it hard to stand up to those who are confident and understand exactly what they want. If you suffer from identity crisis, it is important to discover

who you are before you get into a relationship. It is not surprise to see people feel vulnerable when seasons change in their relationship. A woman who is insecure will feel oppressed by her husband because he knows what he wants, and how to go about it.  On the other hand, an insecure man will find his wife stubborn, difficult, not submissive because she has set goals, understands her strength and is hardly out to please others.

** You need to understand who you are especially from the view point of the word of God and start forming your values from there. Our confidence is in God and when you realize that you learn to be who God has made you to be.

Catching up with the Jones:  this is an expression used when people try to do what others they regard as successful and wealthy do. Trying to live to please others, measuring up to societal expectations or peer pressure can create insecurity. Your friends always wear brand name, the effect of that on your finances is that you are never able to make your bill payments.

**You need to weigh your choices and the impact they have on your personal life and live with the consequence of that. You may not be perceived as cool, rich, popular but you will be at peace with yourself. You need to learn to celebrate the treasure in you that makes you unique.

Leave your past where it belongs: for those who suffered abuse in the past; verbal, psychological, physical, sexual abuse and any other form of abuse you can not afford to allow your past to define you. Insecurity shows up when you are defensive unduly. You many never forget that or blot it out of your memory, but you must be healed and move on. Insecurity is an invitation to allow others have undue power over you.

Identifying Insecurity tendencies in you.

1,  Fear or inability to speak for yourself without being confrontational or disagreeable

2, Bullying or manipulative tendencies in order to control people around you to do what you want

3, Giving others the right to make decisions in your life and then complaining about such decisions

Identifying Insecurity in others

Selfishness: when people hide behind wealth acquisition  with no intention of helping or being a blessing to others, it might be a display of insecurity because they think their possession makes them better than others.

 Arrogance: When people talk about their achievements, possession all the time even when it is unnecessary, without allowing others to contribute 

Sulkiness: throwing fits of moodiness to manipulate others to do what you want them to do.

Gossip: action that insecure people put up to make themselves look better than others. A secure person has no need to drag others down to look or feel good.

Authoritarian or Competitive: If someone behaves as if every interaction is a competition, or every situation is an opportunity to boss around others and show them up, then insecurity is at the core of such action. If the person is in a position of power (such as a boss, coach, church leader, etc.) but they lack the confidence to carry out their role, they may try their best to make others around them look bad, as well as placing mediocre into positions that support them. Also, hoarding information or not allowing others have a free hand in order to emerge with potentials to under one's leadership is a display of insecurity.

Addictive tendencies: drinking, over working, over shopping, overeating and doing anything excessively shows insecurity. There is a need to know where to draw the line in every thing you do.

Insecurity takes away from who God has made us to be; discover who you are and walk in that confidence. Psalms 139:14 

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well". By omo ishow