There’s one issue that
doesn’t get much air time, but every man struggles with to varying degrees.
And, every many probably deals with it differently. Once it’s unleashed, chaos
reigns. The enemy has fire to fuel, and he applies liberally. Relationships get
torn while sin is born.
Anger.
Some men rage, others
suppress. Some shout, others pout. Some get aggressive, others passive
aggressive. Some men throw a fit; others get physically fit. Some men ignore
it; others embrace it. But one thing is for sure, if you don’t control anger,
anger will control you. It’s madness on the march, trampling anything in its
path.
We would all agree that
getting angry rarely solves anything. But Jesus explains the seriousness of it
in Matthew 5:21. From the Message translation, check this out:
“You’re familiar with the
command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so
much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder.
Anger Fact: it seldom
exists at the level at which you finally express or see it. It’s
deeper. God knows this and He revealed where anger is birthed—in the heart and
mind.
In Genesis 4:3-12, the
Bible gives a case study on anger and its consequences. God was not pleased
with Cain’s offering and it ticked Cain off. Why? Because Cain’s offering did
not come from the heart, he was just going through the motions. Cain wasn’t mad
at God. He was mad at himself and jealous of his brother. Instead of taking his
problem to God and being honest with himself, he loosed his anger and committed
murder.
Then the Lord said to Cain,
“Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will
you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at
your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Gen. 4:6-7).
In this passage, God says
don’t let anger master you. Do the right thing. If you don’t—and here’s the BIG
WARNING—Satan capitalizes on the opportunity. It’s much easier to lie to an
angry man (and get him to do something he’ll regret) than a man who has his
emotions under control.
God says to Cain and to
every man who will listen: “You must master your emotions.” Easier said than
done! But the key is getting right with God.
To get a grip on anger,
first recognize there are, and will always be a stimulus, a trigger and fuse.
Then, there’s a reaction; that’s the jumping off point, followed by a
consequence.
Fortunately, the Bible
gives the math for dealing with anger: Quick + Slow + Slow
“My dear brothers and
sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to
listen,slow to speak and slow to become angry.” --
James 1:19
How to Diffuse Emotional
Bombs
Conflict is inevitable;
destruction is optional. You’re not going to stop triggers that fuse bombs, but
you don’t have to light them. The goal is to stop reacting, start responding.
When you feel the fire burning and the pot is about to boil over, follow these
steps:
1. Press “PAUSE.” Don’t
escalate or retaliate. Fight for a pause. Agree to take a few minutes before
responding. If you don’t, the problem will get magnified. So between the
stimulus and your response, distract yourself. Take out the trash. Do the
dishes. Take a deep breath. In fact, take 10 of them. Count to 10 slowly.
Settle down. When madness is on the march, you can slow that train down if you
deal with it early, honestly and humbly.
2. Talk and Walk. Just pray
and say James 1:19. Saying scripture is praying. Ask God for help, being honest
with your feelings of frustration and weakness. Confession is a sign of
strength! Walk in the Spirit, by inviting the Holy Spirit for wisdom and to
guide your steps in the coming conversation. Think of God as your heavenly
father who is eager to give His advice, and send help. You have to fight fire
with fire, and the Holy Spirit is a holy fire.
3. Turn and Take. Turn
inward and take ownership of your part in the conflict. Understand God’s desire
in moments of disagreement. His desire is for us to seek and own the truth
about ourselves. Are you willing to look at you, unlike Cain? What’s your part?
When we own it, we diffuse it. The quickest way to douse the flame is to take
responsibility for yourself and your own actions.
4. Discover the
Driver. In the process, between stimulus and response, you will discover
something—the problem doesn’t exist at the level you see it. It’s just coming
out as anger. The real issue, the deep-down driver is probably related to
pride. If you can put a lid on your pride, honestly ask God for His presence,
and humbly submit to His Spirit then you will find a desire to please God, not
yourself. Remember to operate from a place filled with grace and truth. Then
you can speak and respond to the situation.
5. Resolve to
Resolve. Now you’re ready. But your intent must be to seek understanding,
not squash it. Be quick to listen, not speak. Seek to please God instead of
winning the fight. Resolve to resolve. Making peace may be easier than you
think, and that’s what will please God.
“Therefore each of you must
put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members
of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you
are still angry, and do not give
the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:25-27).
God has a purpose in
disagreement—to discover the real truth driving the emotion. Things,
circumstances and other people may trigger anger, but they are not driving it..
By Kenny Luck
No comments:
Post a Comment