7 Secrets to Keeping Your Marriage Hot

When I married my wife, Deborah, 30 years ago I had a tiny salary and no money in the bank, so our honeymoon was a budget affair: four nights in Miami Beach, four nights in Orlando, and then back to work. Deborah didn't complain at all, but I always wanted to make it up to her. So this week we are enjoying an anniversary trip to Hawaii—and thinking a lot about God's faithfulness.

How do two people stay in love for 30 years? I don't consider myself a marriage expert, but I can tell you what has worked for us—and what I always advise the younger people I mentor:

1. Pray together. Marriage is more than an emotional and sexual union. It's a deep spiritual bond. I believe the best way a couple can nurture that connection is to pray together regularly. Set aside time each week to pray for your children, extended family members, financial challenges and life decisions. Pray even more often when you are going through difficult spiritual battles. Prayer will knit your hearts like nothing else.

2. Avoid resentment. All couples fight from time to time, but if you don't learn how to kiss and make up, your marriage will unravel. Marriage is like a school of forgiveness. Paul's rule to the Ephesians, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Eph. 4:26, NASB), is best applied by husbands and wives. When your spouse hurts you, talk about it, forgive and let it go. Don't keep a list of offenses. If you bury your resentments without resolving them, they will explode like land mines later.

3. Treat each other as equals. Many Christian men believe they are the "head" of the marriage, and they assume this means they can boss their wives around and demand submission. This can lead to physical or verbal abuse, and it is one of the primary reasons so many Christian marriages end in divorce. The Bible actually tells husbands to treat their wives as "fellow heir[s] of the grace of life" (1 Pet. 3:7). If you view your wife as inferior, or if you order her around like she's under your control, you are guilty of abuse. A husband's "headship," as defined by Ephesians 5:23, requires him to be humble, tender and sacrificial not macho or bossy.

4. Stay involved in a church community. Many couples try to survive in isolation. Either the husband has no friends or the wife has no support network. And I know many couples that don't have mentors to talk to when they hit rough patches in their relationship. This is dangerous! If I started going off course spiritually, I know my wife would immediately call some of our close friends—and one of them would be at my doorstep demanding my repentance. I have given my friends permission to get in my face! Accountability provides a safety net for your marriage.

5. Keep dating each other. The Bible tells guys, "Rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Prov. 5:18) and then goes farther to say, "Be exhilarated always with her love" (v. 19). That exhilaration might be easy during your honeymoon, but what about when babies arrive, bills pile up, the workload at your job increases and the kids need braces and car insurance? The sizzle can turn to ice if you don't spend the time necessary to regularly stoke the fire of romance. When we had four little kids at home, my wife and I always tried to go on a date every week—even when we didn't need the extra expense of a babysitter. We still try to live by this rule now that we are empty nesters. If you invest in your marriage now, you will reap the rewards later.

6. Maintain sexual intimacy. I have counseled many married guys with sexual problems, including porn addiction and adultery. In almost every case, these men stopped having regular sex at home before their problems began. Sex is a totally natural part of marriage, and it is unhealthy for couples to deprive each other of sex or to use it as a manipulative weapon. Paul told the Corinthians, "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and also the wife to her husband" (1 Cor. 7:3). Healthy sex is like glue that holds a marriage together.

7. Honor your vows. Many couples in the church today don't have a clear understanding of what a marriage covenant means. We pay a lot of money for weddings, and we take a lot of expensive photos so we can remember the moment. We say our vows in front of an altar, and those vows are solemnly confirmed by a pastor holding a Bible. But many couples still don't take their vows seriously. Marriage is a promise made in the very presence of God! If we view that vow casually, or if we don't keep God at the center of our relationship, a marriage can go from hot to cold in a matter of months.

My wife keeps some of our framed wedding photos on the wall of our family room. Even though the 1980s hairstyles and clothes are horribly out of date, we display those pictures to remind ourselves that we made a covenant with God and with each other on April 28, 1984. We invited Him to make us one, and we know that the grace He gave us to stay married for 30 years can last a lifetime. He can do the same for you.

By J. Lee Grady

Covering Or Cover-up?

TEXT: LUKE 12:1-12

KEY VERSE: “For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known” (Luke 12:2).

Addressing a huge crowd that had gathered to listen to Him, our Lord Jesus Christ underscored the importance of living an open life. Man’s acts, whether expressed outwardly or covered in thought, are being recorded. On an appointed day in eternity, they will be played back. Thus, Jesus warns us to flee from the sin of hypocrisy since there is nothing hidden now that shall forever remain hidden. He condemned the hypocrisy of the Pharisees and attitude of fear of man but counselled that we should fear God who is able to kill and condemn the soul to hell.

The three issues are interwoven as the fear of one thing or another prompts men to either cover up their actions, manifest hypocrisy, exhibit crookedness in behaviour or tardiness toward any noble cause if they realise it would task them. Why tell lies because of the fear of being prosecuted or cover up misdeed for fear of losing respect or public approval?

We could see how mindful God is of minute details as Jesus sought to enlighten us that those tiny birds don’t die without God’s knowledge and that even the hairs of our heads are numbered. If therefore those small birds are so highly prized by God the Maker, then we humans are much more highly prized and recognised – a point He made to douse our anxieties about getting our needs met. Too much care for our safety, according to Him, shows how anxious we are, how unaware of God’s knowledge about our existence as individuals and how less thoughtful we are of God’s unfailing protection or covering over us.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The Omnipresence of God mocks hypocrisy.

Why Married Men Must Dump Their Secret Crush

Oh, you don’t know who the secret crush is in your life? Well, maybe that’s because you have become too comfortable with looking forward to seeing the daycare girl, the grocery girl, the after work girl or even the church girl. Still not following?

Here’s some background …

My buddy told me a story the other day about a married friend of his who had a “daycare girl,” and, yes, it was at the church daycare. Each time this married man would show up to church, he would gladly take the kids over to the daycare.

Why? Because he wanted to see his “hush” crush. In other words, he looked forward to seeing a woman that worked there that hit all the right points in him. Something about her drew him in, in the worst way. I can’t verify if it was her look, her fragrance, her long or short hair, or just her personality. It was something though. That something was slowly destroying his marriage and he couldn’t even see it.

Personally…

I can’t sit here and type and say that I have never struggled in this area. Early in my marriage and before I truly understood the consequences, I would somehow spot a beautiful woman. If I was at work, I’d get distracted with one woman in particular. If I went out with friends to a restaurant, a particular waitress might catch my eye and, you guessed it, I’d keep going back for looks.

It required no communication between the two of us, the looking and wondering was enough. These innocent occasions became a primary contributor to the decay of my marriage. At the time, “I didn’t know or understand,” was a convenient excuse. But now I know and NOW I take action to protect my marriage. Oh, and by the way, NOW you know TOO! Keep reading…

Who might not understand?

First off, the newlywed man might not get what I’m saying. Why? Because when marriage is new and fresh, his bride is every bit his crush. In most cases, both spouses have attempted to be at the top of their game for each other. And there is very little history to make you want or think you need another woman.

Hear my words newlywed men, do everything you can to protect your marriage right from the start. Understand that looking at other women with lustful eyes will only damage the view you have for your bride. No matter what, do everything you can to make her the only woman gaining your affection. If you find yourself being brought into the beauty of another woman, do what you can to control your emotions, get out of the situation.

The second type of man who might not understand is the man in denial. Typically, this will be the man who has been married for some time. The years have maybe taken its toll on the marriage and there is plenty of history to use as excuses. He might have one woman in particular he likes, or he might have multiples set up at different areas.

Hear my words, men. “Stop, look and listen. Are you in denial about the habits, thoughts and actions that are threatening your marriage? Are you blatantly permitting your marriage to be destroyed? Just because the years have rolled on, a nuclear argument had occurred, or the communication has dried up, doesn’t permit us to fix  our issues by finding someone else.

Find help now! Get out of your comfort zone and talk about your marriage concerns with a trustworthy and stable married male friend or pastor. Hiding your problems will only seek to force you out of your comfort zone in a much more costly way. Let him know what has been going on in your marriage and seek to find a resolution to your problems. Whatever you do, do not seek advice on how to fix your marriage from one of the women you secretly (or openly) like. 

 What does the Word say?

A great section of verses for this type of scenario can be found in Mathew 19:1-10. The Pharisees are doing their classic test questions against Jesus about the topics of marriage and divorce.

Jesus responded with some critical information for them and for us. Having a secret crush is plain out sexual immorality. This is one of the only reasons it is acceptable to entertain divorce. Another important thing to note is that husbands are to cleave to their wife. Husbands are to become one with their wife, not their secret crush. Dig in and read the rest of this verse section if you haven’t yet. Start praying now that if you’re in this scenario, God would bring closure and clarity to your situation.

What’s the Bottom Line?

Your wife should be the only crush you have in your life (other than Jesus). She is the one you chose to say your Vows to and she is the one you swore your love to for the rest of your life. To seek a crush elsewhere would question your very integrity. It would violate the very laws of what it means to be a good and faithful husband.

In case you didn’t read the above paragraphs and need to know why your secret crush could destroy your marriage. Here are 3 reasons why you need to stop seeing her and 3 ways to help you in the future:

Why you need to stop seeing her now:

1. Because you’re are a one-woman man, and your wife deserves your all.

2. Because a secret crush will destroy you and your marriage (matter of time)

3. Because Jesus has made you one flesh with your wife. To betray your wife would be to betray Jesus.

3 tools to help you in the future:

1. Open up and be honest about your situation with a friend now. Confess it, explain it, seek forgiveness and start working past it.

2. The next time the opportunity comes up to see her. Man Up and either get in and get out or request that your wife handle the situation or duty at hand.

3. Get humble and start praying for your wife and your marriage. Make your focus more on Jesus and your wife. It will change everything.

What are some ways you’re able to avoid distractions and stay focused on your marriage?

By Manturity

When You Think or Feel Forgotten

I remember being in second grade and sleeping in an attic bedroom. I felt alone, scared and disconnected from my mom, stepfather and my brother—my father's biological child.

I remember being in sixth grade and feeling too chubby and awkward for anyone to like me. I wondered if I could ever capture a guy's attention or a guy's heart. 

I remember being a senior in high school, but instead of being at school I was sitting at home, depressed and pregnant. My boyfriend already had a new girlfriend. I wondered if there would ever be a man who would love me and my child.

And during each of those times, I prayed. I prayed to belong. I prayed to be chosen. I prayed to be worthy of a lifelong commitment.

I'd forgotten about those times until just this morning, when I read in Bible about Joseph locked in prison. Joseph hadn't done anything wrong. God had even granted him the ability to interpret the dreams of the chief baker and cupbearer. Joseph only asked for one thing: not to be forgotten. He simply wanted the men whom he helped to remember him and offer help in return. But it didn't happen.

"Pharaoh's chief cup-bearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought" (Gen. 40:23, NLT).

Joseph may have felt forgotten for a time, but God remembered him. God knew exactly where Joseph was. God was with him, and when the season of Joseph's kingdom service came, God helped the chief cupbearer to remember him, too, and within days Joseph went from prison cell to palace seat.

Do you feel forgotten?

Have you prayed to belong? Have you prayed to be chosen? Have you prayed for a spouse, a child or a long-desired dream?

People may forget. You may have pushed your prayers to the back of your mind, but God remembers.

We have to trust God even when we feel forgotten: "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!" (Hab. 3:17-18).

And in your waiting, also have the faith to look ahead: "'The time will come,' says the Lord, 'when the grain and grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested. Then the terraced vineyards on the hills of Israel will drip with sweet wine!" (Amos 9:13).

Do you feel forgotten? God remembers.

Do you feel alone? God remembers.

Do you feel that someone who should be on your side isn't giving you another thought? God is there.

Keep turning to Him. Keep praying. In the right moment, God's timing will come and His purpose will be displayed. You will enjoy a harvest of blessings in a way you couldn't have experienced unless you'd walked through the silent days.

Now, how about you? When is a time that you felt forgotten? How did God show up? 

By Tricia Goyer

STAND FIRM - LET YOUR COURAGE ENCOURAGE SOMEONE!

Thus says The Lord your Redeemer, and He who formed you from the womb; I am The Lord who makes

all things, who stretches out the heavens all alone, Who spreads abroad the earth by Myself; Who frustrates the signs of the babblers, And drives diviners mad; Who turns wise men backward, And makes their knowledge foolishness; Who confirms the word if His servants. He says to Jerusalem 'You shall be inhabited; And to the temple 'Your foundation shall be laid." Isaiah 44:24-28....

Indeed, The Lord, He is God. He sees, He knows, He cares, and He is with us. Why are we weeping; why are we frustrated; why are we afraid; why are we cursing; why are we hiding; why are we fighting by our strength; why are we lying down; why are we hopeless; why are we giving up?

Don't cry so much over afflictions. In fact, Paul made it clearer when he spoke in Romans 8:18 that “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in ‘us.

Your afflictions are only pushing you harder, stronger, & faster towards your destiny. You'll be wiser, much stronger, & well equipped by the time you get there. And if you are able to stand to the end it will give you a better glory and eternal life. Make sure you learn from every experience you encounter on the way. There is truly a lesson in every experience. Only trust the God who has called you. He indeed knows the end from the beginning.

There is no limit to His Power at work in you. He rules and reigns over all. He is the one, who, in spite of Moses’ weaknesses used him to obtain independence for a whole nation (Israel); He is the One who made and immigrant (Esther), the First Lady in a foreign land; Who used Gideon (who’s family is classified under Minorities, Low Income group, of a nation), to lead the nation into victory;

“Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear.” Isaiah 59:1. He rules and reigns over all. The bible calls Him the ‘God of all flesh’, and that there is nothing too hard for Him.

Be bold, be strong for The Lord your God is with you. The Lord our God in the midst of us, He is Mighty. He can do all things. He will come, And He will save you.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego caught this revelation when they had to answer the king in this manner – “If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” Daniel 3: 17, 18. How many of us are ready to say ‘BUT IF NOT….’ to our oppressors? If you take courageous enough to stand, your courage will encourage some generations after you.

Don't be afraid, child of God. Your affliction is not breaking you…. It is making you….. in fact, into a better person…… It is sending you…. in fact, into a better promise. Jesus said “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake.

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Matthew 5:11. This promise is also true! Stand firm. For you have a better promise awaiting you. If you stand firm you will receive the crown of glory. He who has promised, He is faithful and He also will do it. You are truly blessed and highly favored.

Prayer and Declarations for new week

The Lord, will help you to be responsible for every promotion He give you and He will help you to upgrade every promotion He has given unto you today in Jesus name.

The God that raised David, will raise you and help you this week.

The car you drive now is the least you will ever drive.
The house you live in now is the least you will ever live in.
Your hands are blessed.
Whatever you lay your hands to do will prosper.
Whatever is committed to you prospers.
Your prayer life takes another level. The least level you will ever be is the level you are now
You are a soul winner.
Your enemies will see your exaltation.
Your elevation will turn your enemies to the Lord.
Those who are angry at your present elevation, God will answer them with another elevation. Claim and receive it in Jesus name.J

Happy New Week from us ASB-World. 

The Right Kind of Fear

TEXT: PSALM 112:1-10

KEY VERSE: “Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments” (Psalm 112:1).

God is great and holy. His divine attributes are exclusively incomparable. As Creator of the universe, He alone deserves to be held in awe and with reverential fear the Psalmist is calling for today.

The text is about the blessings of the man that fears God. Fear, in this sense, does not mean being afraid of or being frightened by God for that is a negative emotion. That kind of fear will only make us to run away from Him. The fear described in the text implies holding God in awe - a positive feeling that even draws us closer to Him even as we hesitate, out of reverence, to get too familiar with Him. This blessed man fears God and therefore delights to obey His word. The proof of godly fear is wholehearted obedience to God’s word.

Also note that this blessed man is both gracious and generous. His blessings are innumerable and apply in time and eternity. Some of these blessings are listed in our text: a blessed posterity, inward and outward prosperity, comfort, wisdom, stability and honour. This man is so established that neither men nor devils can remove him from his rightful place. His blessings are also enduring. Contrast this with the wicked who, with envious grief, “shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away: the desire of the wicked shall perish (verse 10).

Does your life square up with that of the blessed man? Do you fear God? No one can truly manifest godly fear until his life is manifestly regenerated and has profitably benefitted from entire sanctification. These blessings can be yours today if you truly and sincerely pray in faith to receive.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Godly fear honours God.