Helping the Unmarried Man

They are single by default, by circumstance or by choice. They may have visions of marriage and family while others have totally given up. 

The rarest of all in the body of Christ see their relational context as a gift. But regardless of perspective and desire, all these men face unique moral and spiritual struggles that require more, not less, character than their married friends. Strong beliefs are required to support stronger (but culturally disapproved) behaviors that preserve spiritual integrity..

It’s ironic that the most influential man who ever walked the planet was unmarried and possessed a sense of self-rootedness in God and His purposes that transcended the broken male culture of His day. Jesus, as well as a host of other examples in the Bible, provides the template for our conversations with and ministry to unmarried men.

 Here are the top three issues, examples and principles we should be addressing with this group of men God wants to use mightily.

1.Identity:  “But you, man of God … fight the good fight of the faith” (1 Tim. 6:11-12). These intentionally directed words toward Timothy call out his identity. What does Paul know that we should know too? He knows that whatever commands this unmarried man’s identity will also command his energy and expression as a man.

Security of identity in Christ produces powerful discipline, patience, perspective and purpose in the midst of the unmarried man’s battles. Whatever the unique context or issue that arises in the moment, like Paul, we want men responding and reacting out of their identity in God first.

2. Women and Sexual Integrity: Imagine a financially successful single man working late and all alone in his office. Now picture a beautiful woman dressed to kill presenting herself and physically lying down at his feet. There are no illusions about what is being offered to this man. Far from being a hypothetical, Boaz found himself in exactly this position and found the strength to maintain his sexual integrity as a single man. (See Ruth 2.)

This type of sexual restraint and honoring women modeled by Boaz needs to be directly and transparently addressed, along with the lifestyle habits that serve to replace resistance alone with healthy male and female relationships that support his spiritual and sexual boundaries. 

3. Contentment Versus Comparison: Managing expectations and dashed expectations is a huge part of ministry to unmarried men. Every man has them (expectations), but many times God is not operating on our time frame of delivery for His good reasons and His good purposes.

Time passing without fulfillment of the expectation often turns to panic, which so often results in fear-based decision-making to meet needs for intimacy ahead of God’s timing or outside His will. This aspect of being single or single again can rob men of hope, create a reservoir of negative emotions and, consequently, make them vulnerable to attack from within and without.

The only clear path for unmarried men that guarantees greater contentment and hope (Phil. 4:12-13) and less comparison and cynicism is a clear vision of God. More specifically, a clear vision of Him as faithful Creator combined with purposeful service and ministry for Him, which provides meaning, connection and intimacy.

We have all heard the stories of God’s miraculous realization of a person’s hopes after a recognition and release of self into God’s loving sovereignty, care and rule. 

The longing may remain, but God’s person, people and purpose go a long way toward replacing contentment.

By Kenny Luck

An Open Letter To Christian Singles

Cheer up. Or at least try. I get it…you’re getting older, and you’re not getting any less single. And, if you’re like me and find yourself single past 30, you might be starting to feel as if the train has left the station long ago, and you were too busy to get on board. On the one hand, you’re not alone. Many people are putting off marriage these days. 

On the other hand, a lot of Christians are still marrying young. Which means you’re feeling a little bit like God left you behind on this one. I mean, really: it’s not like you’re praying for a Ferrari, or a million dollars, or for lightning to strike your neighbor’s cat. Maybe, with clenched fists, you’ve told God: “This was your idea. You said it wasn’t good for man to be alone.” Valentine’s Day doesn’t help. Images of candy and flowers get old pretty quick. And time spent in the presence of other couples makes you wonder if a Relationship is just the sort of fresh coat of paint that might make you finally visible to the world. And let’s face it, this isn’t the sort of issue over which the Christian subculture is getting any less obsessive or condescending

But the one thing that’s not ok is to get all mopey about it. The apostle Paul talks about “being content in all circumstances.” Still, the great theologian named Tom Petty tells us that “the waiting is the hardest part.” So as a young, single pastor, I write this advice to all my fellow singles out there.

You probably don’t have the gift of singleness: It’s ok to want to get married. Honest. I know, I know; everyone wants to pull out 1 Corinthians 7 and talk about how Paul said singleness is a good thing. But Paul also said each man has his own gift. God invented marriage because he realized how bad we were at doing life by ourselves. Marriage is a part of God’s program. Singleness is a rare exception, not a sign of spiritual superiority. God wants people to marry, so don’t try to act like you’re holier than God.

Pray for love. All of it: Yes, pray for a spouse. But don’t just pray for a spouse for yourself. Doing so will only cause the years of unanswered prayers to weigh you down. Instead, pray for love – all of it. Be thankful when others find love ahead of you, because every love story reveals a God who brings people together against what is very often some very impossible odds. Looking to a God who answers prayers and brings people together will allow you to attend friends’ weddings with supportive enthusiasm rather than jealous resentment.

You are not damaged goods: There comes an age where everyone has their baggage, some horror story from a past relationship. And you’re right: no one really gets how bad it really was and how hard it really is. Your parents never had to deal with the confused and twisted sexual norms of our present day, and those who married at 20 never had to face the types of struggles and scars that come with the territory of aging singleness. But that’s why the gospel is so important.
See, psychology tells us that we’re born innocent – we’re blank slates, and therefore are the sum total of our experiences. If this is true, then no wonder our scars come to define us. But the gospel says the opposite: we’re born guilty, and our identity is found in the mercy and redemption of Jesus. Therefore, we can never be “damaged goods,” because our identity is found not in the bitterness of the past, but in the finished work of Christ. Every scar we receive can be used in the hands of the great Storyteller who is able His narrative even through our pain.

Take advice sparingly: There’s a lot of really bad advice floating around out there, all under the well-intentioned guise of Christian dating (or “courting”) advice. Some of it can be good. Some of it can be bad. All of it can be fuel for obsessing over your circumstances. And nearly all of it comes from the hearts of people who don’t know your circumstances at all. The best advice usually comes from friends over coffee. So while I’m not telling you to kiss Christian dating books goodbye, chew the meat, spit the fat, people.

Learn to accept the gift of singleness: Being single means I work two jobs. And I’ve had some amazing opportunities because of it. You will never again have as much time on your hands as you do while you’re single. Singleness can be an emotional burden, but it can also be a gift. Seize the gift. Use the time to learn a new skill. Learn a language. Serve someone.

Be the change you want to see in your spouse: Wanting a spouse doesn’t mean you have to get all pine-y about it. This isn’t about feeling desperate. It’s about asking the harder question: “Would you want to

date you?” And by that I don’t mean are you attractive or hip or whatever it is these young people want these days. What I mean is – are you a person of strong Christian character? Do others see Jesus in you? Have you demonstrated commitment in other areas of your life?
For you guys, that means praying not just to find a girl, but actively praying that God would shape you into the man she needs you to be. And not for her benefit either, or even yours, but because God’s desire is for both of you to serve His kingdom together. And for you ladies, maybe this means valuing Godly character over initial chemistry. I’m not discounting the emotional, butterflies-in-your-stomach, moths-in-your-spleen kind of feelings, but maybe the right guy is the one who stands by you even when those feelings are not there. And to my future wife, if by some miracle of technology you’re reading this today, I want you to know simply this: I love you without ever having met you. I’ve waited 30 years to meet you, and if I have to wait another 30, well…then you’d better be worth it. And if you are out there, then by God’s grace, I’m going to find you. I promise

Source: Justin Taylor

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: THE VALUE OF TIME

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400.
It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day.

What would you do?

Draw out every cent, of course!!
Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft.

Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against the “tomorrow”. You must live in the present on today’s deposits.

Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success!

The clock is running. Make the most of today.

To realize the value of one year, ask a student who has failed his final exam.

To realize the value of one month, ask the parent of a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one day, ask a daily wage laborer who has a large family to feed.

To realize the value of one hour, ask lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who has missed the train, the bus, or a plane.

To realize the value of one second, ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond, ask the person who has won a silver medal at the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one.

5 Ways to Resolve the Blame Game in Your Marriage: Stop Blaming your Spouses

 It’s easy to blame your spouse for your marriage issues when you think you’re doing everything possible to make it great. The real question is, “Are you?”

Chances are you are both responsible for your marriage issues. Now, stay with me here.

My wife and I struggled for years when it came to our marriage issues. Especially when it came to God.

Sunday morning is a great example. We would wake up Sunday and ask if church was on the schedule or not. I’d deflect and ask what time it started. She’d deflect and ask what else was going on that day.

In short, we would “excuse” ourselves out of going to church. There we would lie in bed, not helping our marriage and slowly destroying it. And what was it for?

As a changed husband looking back, I had to ask myself some hard questions. There may be some hard questions you need to be asking in your marriage too. How could I have approached situations differently? Was I really being the spiritual leader? Did I really love my wife by giving in to laziness and fear?

What questions require honest answers in your marriage?

Let’s look at a few more scenarios.

You want to lead in your marriage, but instead of getting or asking for help, you hope the regular Sunday morning message at church will hold the answers you seek. Maybe.

So, things are really rough in your marriage and the only thing you do is pray. I am a firm believer in prayer, but I also believe that God has given certain people specific tools to use and help marriages grow. Don’t stop praying, but get off your butt and get some help from a counselor, mentor or pastor.

Say you’re dating this wonderful girl and you're thinking about marriage. That’s great, but the problem is you live together and continue to have sex. Whose fault is it? I’ll say it’s both partners' fault. My advice to the men is to step up and stop. Don’t wait for her to stop. Be honest with her and let her know your heart. Wait for marriage. Trust me, it’s possible and it’s worth it.

So, how can you lead? How can you stop blaming your spouse for all the issues and start taking responsibility in an effective and safe way?

Here are five questions you need to ask yourself:

1. Am I honestly doing everything I can to lead?

2. Have I communicated my feelings honestly to my spouse?

3. Have I honestly been praying about the situation on a daily basis and seeking God’s direction (not my own)?

4. Have I honestly and maturely discussed the situation with a church elder, pastor, friend, mentor or marriage counselor?

5. How long have I been passing the blame on to my spouse, when the issue is really mine to take care of? 

Carefully consider the questions above, and start making big changes in your marriage or relationship today. That’s right; don’t wait any longer!

Have you experienced this in your marriage or relationship? What are some ways you and your spouse effectively communicate with each other and throw water down on the blame game fire?

 By Bryan Van Slyke

Michelle Obama Gives Ladies A Useful Lesson On How To Stand and Guide Your MAN...

We spotted this story and we feels like sharing it with our friends and fans...lol.
We are not sure if the events unfolded like this, but this is pretty hilarious !Nelson Mandela’s memorial service saw a hundred presidents from around the globe head to South Africa to take part  in this historical event. Among them was our president Uhuru Kenyatta who was well applauded by the crowd upon introduction.

Being a big event, many activities were taking place, paparazzi were on their toes to capture every moment, some of which have come in handy, like U.S.A’s first lady showing the ladies how to guard their men. Check out the step by step pictorial guide below:

1. Watch him closely to see how he relates..

2. Make sure to read his every move..

 

3. Sound your warning and leave him and the enemy in shock...

4. If he gets the hint let him be in peace..

 

5. But if he forgets the rules as fast..

6. Let him enjoy the final moments then strike..

7. Occupy your rightful position..

8. Problem solved and everyone is happy..

This is so hilarious, these pictures just makes us love Michelle even more, Pls feel free to like and comment.

"JUST CHECKING IN”

A Minister passing through his church In the middle of the day, Decided to pause by the altar To see who come to pray.

Just then the back door opened, and a man came down the aisle, the minister frowned as he saw the man hadn’t shaved in a while.

His shirt was torn and shabby, and his coat was worn and frayed, the man knelt down and bowed his head, then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed at precisely noon, The preacher saw this chap,

Each time he knelt just for a moment, A lunch pail in his lap. Well, the minister's suspicions grew, with robbery a main fear, He decided to stop and ask the man, 'What are you doing here?'

The old man said he was a factory worker And lunch was half an hour Lunchtime was his prayer time,
For finding strength and power.

I stay only a moment Because the factory's far away; As I kneel here talking to the Lord,

This is kinda what I say: 'I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS BEN, JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'

The minister feeling foolish, Told Ben that it was fine. He told the man that he was welcome to pray there anytime. 'It's time to go, and thanks,' Ben said as he hurried to the door.

Then the minister knelt there at the altar, which he'd never done before. His cold heart melted, warmed with love, as he met with Jesus there. As the tears flowed down his cheeks, He repeated old Ben's prayer:

'I JUST CAME by TO TELL YOU, LORD, HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY. SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME, JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'

Past noon one day, the minister noticed, that old Ben hadn't come. As more days passed and still no Ben, He began to worry some. At the factory, he asked about him, learning he was ill. The hospital staff was worried, But he'd given them a thrill.

The week that Ben was with them, brought changes in the ward, His smiles and joy contagious.
Changed people were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand, Why Ben could be so glad, when no flowers, calls or cards came not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed, He voiced the nurse's concern: No friends had come to show they cared. He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Ben spoke up, And with a winsome smile; 'The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know, He's been here all the while.' Every day at noon He comes here, A dear friend of mine, you see, He sits right down and takes my hand,

Leans over and says to me 'I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU, BEN, HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN, SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP, AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN .

I THINK ABOUT YOU ALWAYS AND I LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY, AND SO BEN, THIS IS JESUS, JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your Heart May God hold you in the palm of His hand-And Angels watch over you.  This is ME ......"Just Checking in Today"

SOME INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

1, Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. - Nelson Mandela.

2, I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. - Nelson Mandela.

3, If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela.

4, If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner. - Nelson Mandela.

5, It always seems impossible until it’s done. - Nelson Mandela.

6, We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right. – Nelson Mandela.

7, A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone. - Billy Graham.

8, Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. - John F. Kennedy.

9, Quality is not an act, it is a habit. - Aristotle.

10, True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us. – Socrates.

11, God's dream is that you and I and all of us will realize that we are family that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion. - Desmond Tutu.

12, Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. - Mother Teresa.

13, If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. - Maya Angelou.
God bless you richly!