Shy
toddlers might not want to speak up — but that doesn't mean they don’t understand what you're saying to them, according to a new study of the largely
misunderstood connections between shyness and language.
“Behaviorally inhibited children who may not be speaking much shouldn’t be
underestimated,” says study author Soo Rhee, professor of psychology and
neuroscience at the University of Colorado Boulder, in a press release about
the findings. “Parents and teachers should be aware that they may need to be
encouraged more in their expressive language development.”
The study, published in the journal Child Development, was prompted by a thesis
student’s review paper that examined associations between shyness and verbal
skills, Rhee tells Yahoo Shine. To test those associations, researchers looked
at information collected on 816 toddlers — 408 sets of twins — at 14, 20, and
24 months of age, times when children’s language skills are growing rapidly.
The researchers recorded observations of each child’s ability to repeat sounds,
answer questions, and follow directions, looking for patterns in how the
children’s behavior changed over time, and whether an increase in shyness
followed or preceded a delay in speech. Their findings showed that shy toddlers
actually understand much more than their lack of talking might suggest.
The study results are just the latest discovery about kids with
oft-misunderstood shyness — an “undervalued status in a world that values
extroversion,” Susan Cain, best-selling author of “ Quiet: The Power of
Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” noted in a 2011 New York Times
opinion piece.
And so, to help foster value — and understanding — here are four more salient
nuggets about shy kids:
1. They are far from alone. Shyness is a part of “the great
and glorious range of the human normal,” notes Dr. Perri Klass in a New York
Times well piece, , who writes about a study by Kathleen Merikangas, a senior
investigator at the National Institute of Mental Health, of 10,000 older
children ranging from 13 to 18 years old. “We found that about half of kids in
America describe themselves as shy,” Merikangas tells Klass.
2. Labeling your child “shy” is not helpful. “On hearing this,
a child feels something’s wrong with her, and this will make her feel more
shy,” notes Dr. William Sears., who suggests using more accurate terms like
“private” or “reserved,” which won’t make your child feel flawed. That belief
was echoed by Merikangas, who told the New York Times that perhaps the worst
thing to do is tell your child, “Don’t be shy. Don’t be quiet.”
3. Kids can form strategies for dealing with shyness. “The
general rule of thumb,” writes psychologist and parenting coach Dr. Laura
Markham, “is to accept the nervousness that comes up as a part of normal life
that affects most people, reassure yourself that you’re OK anyway, and focus on
others rather than yourself.” You can help your child do that, perhaps with a
reminder that she doesn’t have to be interesting, just interested, and that
asking kother ids questions and listening to their answers can be all she needs
to try to do.
4. A shy kid is not necessarily introverted. “Shy people fear
negative judgment, while introverts simply prefer less stimulation; shyness is
inherently painful, and introversion is not,” Cain has noted, which is helpful
when trying to understand the feelings of a shy kid. “But,” she adds, “in a
society that prizes the bold and the outspoken, both are perceived as
disadvantages.” You can help your timid one to see his own quiet power by
pointing out that same power in others. “For very different reasons, shy and
introverted people might choose to spend their days in behind-the-scenes or
‘passive’ pursuits like inventing, or studying, or holding the hands of the
dying,” Cain says. “These are not alpha roles, but the people who play them are
role models all the same.”
Source: shine.yahoo.com
