Kids: 3 ways you unknowingly destroy your children's self-esteem

• "Mom, I'm starting a new piano song! Will you sit by me?" my youngest son asks.
  I walk in and sit down at the piano bench. When he starts new songs, he likes me nearby.
  A bright smile flashes across his face and he starts playing. After a few mistakes his smile fades and a frown appears. I sense his growing discouragement.
  From my perspective the song is quite simple, it is easy for me. I almost say, "Oh come on this is easy, you can do it." Instead I pause and think, "What I say will make my son feel encouraged which helps his self-esteem grow or cause discouragement which can lower his self-esteem. The choice rests with me."
  Parent's want their children to grow up self-confident and capable. Sometimes without even realizing it, your responses may be doing the exact opposite which lowers your children's self-esteem.

• Saying "It's easy"

  When your children are struggling with a task, it may seem easy to you, however, it is not necessarily easy to them. When you say, "That is easy, you can do it." You are trying to motivate and encourage them, yet it causes your children to think, "Something must be wrong with me because it's not easy to me, therefore, I must be dumb." This causes your children to feel discouraged and want to give up. It decreases their self-esteem.
  Instead tell them, "This can be tough or this is difficult." Then if your children complete the task, they tell themselves, "I did something hard." If they cannot figure it out, at least they know it was tough to begin with. This approach helps children stay encouraged and increases their feelings of self-worth.

• Doing too much for them

  Your children want to do tasks on their own. This gives them a great sense of accomplishment and helps them feel good about themselves. You may feel one way to show your love is doing things for your children. This robs them of the opportunity to learn life skills and the satisfaction of feeling independent. It sends your children the hidden message, "You are not capable."
  Instead of doing too much for your children, break the task into smaller more kid-friendly tasks. This gives your children the chance to feel the personal satisfaction of completing it on their own. Their self-esteem will soar.

• Freaking out when they make mistakes

  Mistakes are part of life – we all make them. You may feel you need to rescue your children from making mistakes or help them avoid making mistakes. This does not help them – it cripples them for life.
  Your children will make mistakes and the way you respond either helps your children learn and grow from the mistake or teaches them mistakes are bad. Mistakes are painful, but they can cause great growth if handled in a healthy way. Don't rob your children of the opportunity to rise to the occasion, admit they are wrong, fix the problem, and feel great about themselves.
  Instead of freaking out when your children make a mistake, teach them how to make amends and be accountable for their actions. This promotes a healthy view of mistakes and allows your children to feel good about who they are.
  Many parents do not realize these three parenting responses diminish their children's self-esteem. If some of these ideas are new to you – take heart because reading and learning shows you are interested in improving as a parent and doing the best you can.

GOD IS FAITHFUL

For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. Genesis 21:2

Sarah conceived. On the face value, that statement should not mean much; the idea of conceiving a child is normal to women.

But when we consider who Sarah was, then the idea of her conception takes on a very new meaning.

She was not a woman in the prime of her life. She was a woman approaching ninety years of age. Some months ago, scientists managed to get a fifty-five year old woman to carry a baby to full term through artificial insemination.

Before science could do that, God had already done the seemingly impossible with Sarah.

She conceived because:

• God promised it. What made the difference for Sarah was the word of promise that God gave to her and her husband Abraham. They were both faithful and obedient worshippers of Jehovah who had challenges with childbirth.

For years they tried having a child without any real results until God stepped into their situation and made a promise to them that they would be the parents of a new godly nation.

• God set a time. The promise of God to Sarah and her husband had a time frame to it. After years of frustration, God stepped into their lives once again and gave a time limit to the fulfilment of what He had promised them.

The story of Sarah's conception reminds us of the faithfulness of God. Even when our faith is stretched to breaking point and frustration dogs our every step, we must reserve a place in our hearts that does not give up on the Lord's promises.

If He promised, He will do it. What is it that you are believing God for? Never lose your hope in God. He is a faithful God.

Prayer: I praise You Lord, for You are faithful and Your promises are sure.

Scriptural Reading: Genesis 21:2

5 Healthy Habits for a The Year

If you're like me, you ushered 2015 in with lots of sugar, a few extra pounds and promises to adopt some healthier habits. I'll admit, these healthy habits are dragging me kicking and screaming. I found it so much easier to pop tasty treats in my mouth without worrying about calories or exercise.

Unfortunately, God didn't make me with a metabolism that lets me snack my way through the day or avoid exercise, so here are 5 ways I am making 2015 a healthier year.

1. Devotion

Our biggest battle is often in our mind. Starting our the day in God's Word, prayer, worship and meditation on verses that address the areas we are seeking to adjust will help to reform faulty thought patterns. The truth of the matter is: We can live physically healthy lives, but if our mind and spirit are not healthy, our bodies will still suffer in the long-run. Proverbs talks about this when it says that bitterness dries up the bones (depletes them of calcium).

2. Water

Lets take a moment to reflect on the last time we drank a tall, cool glass of water. Some of us are really having to think. Water is essential to our health. It helps our kidneys function better to flush out toxins from our blood stream, and it helps keep us hydrated so our skin looks younger and healthier. One added side benefit is that it also helps to keep hunger signals at bay. Many times when we think we're hungry we're only really thirsty. You should drink 8-10 8-oz. glasses of water a day. However, if you consume caffeinated beverages, you'll need to drink an extra glass of water for each beverage you drink, because caffeine is a diuretic.

3. Vitamins

Sadly, we do not get the necessary vitamins and minerals our body needs from the foods we eat. Even produce that is picked early lacks the essential nutrients it would otherwise give. All of the processing our foods go through before they reach our digestive systems have depleted them of most nutrients, and the vitamins they enrich them with are not very useful.

Taking daily vitamins helps keep our bodies strong and energy levels high. When choosing a vitamin, the best ones are whole food vitamins, capsules, chewables or alka-seltzer tablets. These types do not have heavy binders that prevent them from being fully digested.

4. Exercise

In the spirit of full disclosure, this is by far the hardest discipline for me. I do not enjoy exercise—I never have. I lead a fairly sedentary lifestyle. But more and more studies are showing the elevated health risks of a sedentary lifestyle, so I am working hard to carve out time in my busy schedule for at least 15 minutes a day of exercise.

It will be easier in the spring because I like to walk in the mornings—the only form of exercise I actually enjoy. We have a nice, steep hill where I live and I enjoy walking and praying. I can't wait for the sun to rise earlier so I can get back to prayer-walking.

5. Fruits and Vegetables

I don't know why it is easier to make an unhealthy meal than it is to grab an apple. I can't explain it. I'd rather make my famous french bread, Gouda cheese and green olive grilled sandwich than just grab something from the fruit bowl (which, by the way, is a full 99% of the time). I'm working at making healthier habits, because the benefits of choosing a fruit or vegetable over a calorie-, carb- and fat-laden meal are obvious.

By the way, did you know that frozen vegetables are sometimes healthier than fresh? Its true. Frozen produce is picked ripe, blanched and flash-frozen to preserve the nutrients. So when you see produce in the produce section that is out of season, you may be better off running to the frozen food isle.

What healthy choices are you making in 2015?

Rosilind Jukic

20 scriptures that can be hard to do BUT by God's grace We can

Admit it, there are parts of the Bible that are difficult to digest. Certain words sting going down and sometimes cause us to question our faith. 

Let’s be honest, we are all sinners. We all fall short at times because we are all human and you and I both know there’s no such thing as a perfect human. Even if you feel like you are perfect at something, there’s something that you are struggling with. Whether it’s forgiving someone, Fornication, or telling little white lies every now and then.  Myself included.

We sometimes try to twist the words of the bible to read the way we want them to read, when in actuality God’s word is pretty straightforward and clear.

Here are 20 scriptures that can be hard to digest at times:

1. “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” -Luke 17:4

2. “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”- Matthew 5:39

3. “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” - Leviticus 20:13

 4.  “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” -Matthew 19:9

5. “And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:12

6. “And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” -Matthew 5:32

7. “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” -Mark 11:25

8. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” -1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

9. “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” -James 4:17

10. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.  And he has given us this command:Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” -1 John 4:20-21

11. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”- Ephesians 5:22-24

12. “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” -2 Corinthians 6:14

13. “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” - Matthew 5:44

14. “Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.” -Matthew 5:42

15. “Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him.” -Proverbs 14:31

16. “Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged.  You’ll receive the same judgment you give. Whatever you deal out will be dealt out to you.”- Matthew 7:1-2

17. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.“- Luke 6:31

18. “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce;”- Proverbs 3:9

19. “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.” -Proverbs 11:24

20. “Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him.”- 1 John 2:4

…but the good news is that it’s not too late to get it right. With God’s help, we can all strive to live righteous. 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” -1 John 1:9. Source: theprayingwoman

Family: Why Setting Rules With Your Child Doesn't Work

Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. "If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play." "If you clean your room, then you can watch a video."

Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a "What's in it for me?" mentality. "If I don't get something out of it, why should I obey?"

God is concerned with more than behavior. He's interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms, but the way they give the instructions is different.

Instead of just getting things done, parents look for long-term change in their kids. Sometimes children aren't ready to change on a heart level and parents must work to address the heart. That may mean more relationship to open the heart or it may involve more boundaries to show kids that they way they're living just isn't going to work.

A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It focuses on character development, not just correct behaviors. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It's a mindset on the part of parents that looks to develop heart qualities that then bring about significant change. read more

As you consider your kids remember the words that God said to Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7, "For man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

Prayer for new week

The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore" (Ps 121:5–8).  In whatever you do, situations will bow down before you; systems, ordinances, institutions, policies and legislature will adjust for you to have your desired breakthroughs. 

Go forth and possess your possessions in Jesus Name. God will make a way out of all the problems that are facing you. He will give you massive victories over all your obstacles! 

Happy New Week from us ASB-World. 

The Boy Who Claimed He Went to Heaven and Saw Jesus Recants, Publisher Pulls Book

The best-selling book that documents a 6-year-old’s journey to heaven and back during the two months he spent in a coma is being pulled from shelves after the boy, who is now 17, recanted his story. 

Alex Malarkey, the co-author of The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven with his father, Kevin Malarkey, was in a car crash in 2004 that left him paralyzed. The memoir, published in 2010 as part of the popular “heavenly tourism genre,” detailed his accounts of talking to Jesus Christ and meeting with the devil. Since its publication, the book has sold more than one million copies, according to the Washington Post. But on Tuesday, Pulpit and Pen published a letter from Alex Malarkey, entitled “An Open Letter to Lifeway and Other Sellers, Buyers, and Marketers of Heaven Tourism, by the Boy Who Did Not Come Back From Heaven.” Lifeway is a chain of religious book retailers. 

“Please forgive the brevity, but because of my limitations I have to keep this short. I did not die. I did not go to Heaven,” Malarkey writes, calling, well, malarkey on himself. “I said I went to heaven because I thought it would get me attention. When I made the claims that I did, I had never read the Bible. People have profited from lies, and continue to. They should read the Bible, which is enough. The Bible is the only source of truth. Anything written by man cannot be infallible.”

Beth Malarkey, Alex’s mother, has been objecting to the book for a while. In an April, 2014, post on her blog, she wrote, “It is both puzzling and painful to watch the book The Boy who Came Back from Heaven to not only continue to sell, but to continue, for the most part, to not be questioned. … I could talk about how much it has hurt my son tremendously and even make financial statements public that would prove that he has not received monies from the book nor have a majority of his needs been funded by it. … When Alex first tried to tell a ‘pastor’ how wrong the book was and how it needed stopped, Alex was told that the book was blessing people. “

The post implies that Malarkey recanted his story long ago, though Tuesday’s was his first public statement. The post concludes, “Alex’s name and identity are being used against his wishes…. How can this be going on???” According to the Washington Post, the book contract was only with Kevin Malarkey, not with Alex or his mother.

Today, the Christian publisher Tyndale House released a statement confirming it will stop selling the book. “We are saddened to learn that Alex Malarkey, co-author of ‘The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven,’ is now saying that he made up the story of dying and going to heaven. Given this information, we are taking the book out of print.” Lifeway has announced that it will no longer sell the book in its stores.  

Family therapist Dr. Paul Hokemeyer says it’s not a surprise that Malarkey would make up a story in the wake of his experience. “When something happens that is so traumatic, regardless of our age, we work to make sense of it and put it in a way that will help us process and sort it out,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “Particularly at 6 years old, his family’s beliefs would be very important. If his family is very religious — and clearly they are — they would talk about this kind of trauma in terms of Jesus and heaven. A 6-year-old trying to make sense of a trauma would use the framework that he perceived as being safe.” Read more

Malarkey’s decision to publicly recant his story, especially at 17, shows quite a bit of bravery, Hokemeyer says. “The trauma that he endured doesn’t seem to have impaired his judgment or intelligence,” he says. “That’s a hard thing for anyone to do.”