Thursday 19 June 2014

Seven Honest Questions You Need to Ask About Your Marriage

Karen and I have been married 40 years, but the first three years of our marriage were miserable.
We thought once we were married, things would be great and we would live happily ever after. Were we ever wrong! And our naïveté almost ended in divorce.
Thankfully, it didn't. And that's due in large part to our commitment then—and now—to marriage maintenance. Yes, that's right: I included now in that equation. Because whether you're on the brink of divorce or thriving in your partnership, marriage requires continual upkeep. Karen and I learned that the hard way, but hopefully you don't have to.

Have you checked under the hood of your marriage lately? Here's a seven-point checklist to keep your marriage well-oiled and running smoothly.

1) How is your relationship with God?
Your spouse can't meet your deepest needs, and you can't meet theirs. That may fly in the face of what our culture wants you to believe, but it's true. When God paired Adam and Eve in the garden, He walked with them in their midst. That's the picture of how marriage works—with God at the center. When Adam and Eve rebelled, their marriage suffered as they lost the garden God had created for them to share.
When Karen and I married, we were believers but didn't know how to rely on the Lord daily. Because of that, we tried to get our deepest needs met through each other, which only resulted in frustration and bitterness. We thought we'd made a mistake in marrying each other—but we didn't. Our mistake was in trying to squeeze God out of each other.
The most important thing Karen and I do for our marriage every day is to start each day with prayer, the Bible and seeking God. That's where we take our cares, needs, hurts and desires. In that daily prayer time, the Lord heals, fills and empowers us with His incredible love.
Because here's the truth: Our deepest needs are acceptance, identity, security and purpose. These driving needs motivate us daily whether we realize it or not—and only God can meet those four needs on the deepest level of our lives. When we lack a relationship with Him in which those needs get met, we automatically transfer that expectation to our spouse, thus setting up our marriage and our mate for failure.
The most important issue in your marriage is your personal, daily, dynamic relationship with God. If you're rusty in this area, you probably need to apologize to your spouse for putting too much pressure on them—and to the Lord for not keeping yourself in well-tuned, daily fellowship with Him. When you've been with God, you can love your spouse properly. You'll find your expectations right, your heart healthy and yourself ready to love out of the overflow of God's love that's already in you.
2) How are your marriage disciplines and traditions?
In marriage, it isn't what you can make happen but what you can keep happening. Many married couples become distracted after a period of time and stop caring for each other's needs. Then they begin to fight and a big blow-up hides just around the corner. If they work through it, they may go for a second honeymoon or romantic getaway. But once that phase is over, they go right back into the negative cycle of distraction, fighting, making up and so on. The longer this cycle recurs, the more dangerous it becomes and the harder it gets to make up and keep going.
Good marriages prioritize regular disciplines and traditions that ensure the right things keep happening. For example, almost all good marriages include a date night or date day in the weekly or monthly routine. It isn't in response to a fight or a crisis. It is a proactive discipline in the relationship.
Early in our marriage, Karen and I walked together every morning for an hour and a half. We would pray for 45 minutes and talk for 45 minutes. It was one of the best things we ever did with each other.
Do you have a date night (or day)? Do you prioritize your marriage and protect the time and energy you have together? Don't wait for a convenient time. Make it happen, and keep it going.
3) Are you emotionally bilingual?
You're no doubt familiar with the old saying "Marriage is about becoming one." But maybe you haven't heard the cynical response: "Yes, but which one?"
In many marriages, a battle is forged to see which language gets spoken in the home—the man's or the woman's. But we are different by God's design, and we have different needs. Men need honor. Women need security. Men need sex. Women need nonsexual touch and affection. Men need to be friends with their wives. Women need open and honest communication. Men need their wives to be domestically centered. Women need their husbands to lead.
The essence of romance is speaking in your spouse's language as you meet their needs in love. Romance is not a language lesson; it's a language demonstration, where you enter your spouse's world and speak love the way they understand it. When a husband and wife both do this, they are in heaven. But many marriages never make it to that point.
For your marriage to succeed, you'll need to meet needs in your spouse that you don't have. And they'll need to do the same for you. The greatest marriage is two servants in love who sacrifice for each other. The worst is two selfish people who demand to be served.
Again, we are different by God's design, and it is unchangeable. Because of this, one key to a great marriage is becoming emotionally bilingual. Don't speak love in your own language; speak it in your spouse's language. As you do, you'll see them light up and respond.
Are you emotionally bilingual? What's your spouse's language? How can you speak it today—and every day?
4) Do you make decisions together as equals?
Marriage is about sharing. Yet it's amazing how many couples don't share decisions. Either one spouse dominates the relationship or both people share the same house but live separate lives.
Karen and I make all our important decisions together, and this is crucial to the intimacy and goodwill of our relationship. We don't bully each other or make each other pay a price for being honest. When we make decisions, we first submit them to God and pray. Our marriage is not a battle of wills; it is a search for His will. Then, because we share all the big decisions, there's no chance for resentment or division to creep into our life together.
Do you and your spouse make decisions together? Do you respect your spouse's input? Are you willing to compromise, or is it your way or the highway? This is a big issue with a big payoff when you make the commitment to slow down, pray, talk and agree.
5) Who are your friends?
Paul doesn't pull any punches when he says, "Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits'" (1 Cor. 15:33). Your friends are your future. You become like the company you keep. If you don't believe that, you're deceived.
Karen and I are committed to our local church and Christian friends. None of our friends are perfect, and we aren't perfect either, but we're all committed to living for Christ and to our marriages. In 40 years of friendship with dozens of couples, only one of those couples has divorced—and prior to that divorce, the husband left church and developed a close friendship with a ungodly man.
We live in an immoral, evil world. There's never been such a strong pull of sin on all our lives. In response, we must be honest about our vulnerabilities and need for each other. I doubt Karen and I would be together today if it weren't for the support and encouragement we received when we needed it most from our church and believing friends.
Realize that the "company we keep" includes entertainment, computers, Facebook and television. We must be careful and accountable about these things, as they have become prominent features in our culture and can be just as impactful on us as our friends.
Are you a committed member of a local church? Do you have friends who are committed believers and committed to their marriages? Are you accountable concerning your entertainment? The degree to which you take these things seriously is the degree to which your marriage has a chance to thrive.
6) Are you empathetic to your spouse?
Marriage research reveals one of the most important features in successful marriages is the ability to empathize with one's spouse. That simply means we are sensitive to them and "feel for them." It means we care about how our actions affect them. It means caring for what they are going through and just caring for them in general.
When we date and fall in love, we are naturally empathetic to the other person. We work hard at trying to please them. We're sensitive and try to do things to make the other person feel good.
But then life happens. And in the process of paying the bills, of children, of sickness, of money stress and work stress, of in-laws and the IRS, we wake up one day to find issues crowded between us. If those issues aren't dealt with properly, we end up hardened toward the other person. The empathy we once felt becomes frustration. We focus no longer on our spouse's feelings but our own.
When Karen and I were on the verge of divorce, I had become very angry with her. I felt mistreated and that I'd made a mistake in marrying her. It was all about me. As issues accumulated between us, I began focusing on the negatives in her and feeling sorry for myself. The young man who was so tender-hearted toward Karen when we dated became a hard-hearted husband who couldn't care less about how my behavior affected her. I was convinced that if Karen would just change, everything would miraculously become fine.
Even as I believed that, Karen suffered from my dominance and verbal abuse. The change in our marriage only began when God broke through my hard heart and let me see myself as I really was. At that moment, I realized how domineering and damaging I had become. Standing at the brink of divorce, I finally began to empathize with Karen again. I put myself in her shoes and came to the stark realization of what it must have been like to be married to me.
Being empathetic is a choice, not an emotion. Regardless of the condition of your marriage, start thinking about how your spouse might be feeling. Forgive them, and ask the Lord to give you the grace to act above your emotions.
7) Is your marriage first?
Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and be joined to his wife." As I'm sure you already know, marriage requires leaving and cleaving. In other words, for marriage to work, it has to be first in your life. It won't work any other way.
Back when Karen and I were on the verge of that divorce, I was addicted to golf. I played almost every day. Karen complained about it because it kept me away from our family, and when I was home I was exhausted. Even though I told her she was first, it wasn't true. In real terms, golf came before her.
Part of the healing of our marriage came when I hung up my golf clubs for Karen. In doing so, I expressed to her in real terms she was first. The result was a resurrection in the garden of our love that had been destroyed through my distraction.
In real terms, your marriage must come before your children, your church, your friends, your smartphone, your family, your work and everything else going on in your life. This is the way God designed marriage, and it simply won't work another way.
Making your marriage first means saying no to other things. It means saving time and energy for your spouse every day and protecting your marriage from intruders. It means doing little things like turning off your phone when it's time to talk to them, ignoring incoming calls and texts, making eye contact when they speak, turning off the TV or computer to spend time together and putting down the newspaper so you can have a real conversation.
Does something else come before your spouse right now? Is your marriage really first? Keeping your marriage first—along with all these other checkpoints required for healthy maintenance—is crucial for keeping your marriage on the open road.

Joy In Pure Worship

TEXT: DEUTERONOMY 16:13-21
KEY VERSE: “Seven days shalt thou keep a solemn feast unto the LORD thy God in the place which the LORD shall choose: because the LORD thy God shall bless thee in all thine increase, and in all the works of thine hands, therefore thou shalt surely rejoice” (Deuteronomy 16:15).
It is not only in such traditional sins of immorality as fornication, adultery, murder, lying, pride and homosexuality that man is seen to rebelling against God. In the twentieth century, it is also in not keeping “a solemn feast unto the Lord”. Worship service in most assemblies today is characterized by rowdiness and indecency. They are devoid of the solemnity God demands. There is little to take away for personal meditation after a Church service.
In our text today, God gave an express command to the children of Israel to set apart specific periods in the year to gather together to worship Him. The beneficial of such holy convocations was far deeper than just the superficial frills and thrills of singing and dancing. The Lord was to use that period to remind the people of their great deliverance from the land of bondage, their unique identity among the Gentile nations and to impress upon their hearts, the precepts and commandments that will continually keep them in their new-found liberty and blessings.
In today’s world of business and commerce, and with the digital race to acquire knowledge and succeed at all costs, believers need to observe the same periodic break from our busy world to come apart and rest a while. The enriching experience of a time set apart for deep devotion and fellowship with God can never be quantified.
Like the psalmist, we should be joyful during worship of God. We need to also avail ourselves of the unique opportunities to attend Christian programmes such as retreats, crusades, weekly meetings aside observance of regular personal devotional time with God. There lies the secret of our strength and victory in the battles of life.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Saints stand in awe of God’s majesty.

10 Ways to Set Your Child Up for Failure

There are all types of lists for parents. If you want a list to ruin your kids forever, here's a list for you.

1. Give your kid everything he wants. Don't deny what will truly make him happy. Overvalue money and things in his eyes.
2. Dress your child in designer clothes, no matter the cost. Show her that her outward appearance matters most of all.
3. Place your child's needs over that of your spouse's. If he cries, run to him immediately. If he interrupts, give him your full attention.
4. Entertain your child throughout the day. If she wants to play tea then put your plans aside. If she wants to watch her favorite movie for the 100th time then forget your idea for going for a walk and getting some sunshine.
5. Plan your menu around your child's desires. No child should have to eat something he doesn't like. If, by chance, you want to make something other than macaroni and cheese or peanut butter and jelly, feel free to cook your own meal, just as long as you have time to fix what your child likes.
6. Sign your child up for as many extracurricular activities as she desires, even if it means giving up your evening plans on a regular basis. Don't worry about trying to gather around the dinner table. He can only be in the Junior Soccer League for so long and you don't want him to miss out.
7. Don't discipline your child when she acts up. Everyone should learn to express herself in her own way. If she demands something, then applaud her efforts. At least you know that she will not be a pushover or a doormat in this world.
8. Don't worry when your child fights with neighbor kids or even when he is a bully. Life is not fair and someone always has to be the underdog. At least your child is learning to elbow his way to the top at a young age.
9. When your child has a disagreement with her teacher, always choose your child's side. Don't show up when the teacher wants to discuss your child's problems. The teacher will want to take a course of disciplinary action and that'll hurt your child's feelings.
10. Don't share your faith with your child. After all, you don't want to offend. Give your child the option if she wants to hear Bible stories and don't pressure her to memorize Scripture verses. She might get disheartened if she doesn't get it right the first time and you'll ruin her self-esteem. More than that, you don't want her to know there's a God who runs the universe, makes the rules, and determines eternity. The thought is too hard and your child might not understand.
More than that, she won't be self-dependent and strive to be a good person.

Do you see your parenting shine in any of these areas?

Yes? Then congratulations! You're on your way to succeeding at your goal of ruining you kid forever. Keep up the good work... and then just take a moment to consider what type of an adult your child will grow up to be–one that will stand out about the crowd, without a doubt!

Daily Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, 
Thank you for the beautiful opportunity to invest in the adults my children will one day become. As I parent them, help me see the areas I can improve. I look to You for guidance and strength.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Wednesday 18 June 2014

NEVER FORGET GOD'S GOODNESS

When they went across the lake, the disciples forgot to take bread. Matthew 16:5
Have you ever forgotten God's goodness to you? Have you ever had to relearn something? I know I have. And the disciples did too.
Matthew's Gospel tells us that on one occasion, the disciples had forgotten to bring bread on their journey, and they were worried about it.
The feeding of the 5,000 had happened only days earlier. Then there was another miracle of the feeding of the 4,000. So what happened?
They forgot. That is what happened.
Jesus essentially told them, "Do you remember those miracles I did? Remember the feeding of the 5,000 that involved a little boy with some loaves and fish?"
God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. The same God who was there for you in the past will be with you here in the present. And
He will be there for you in the future as well. But we easily forget.
When you are young and just starting out in life, you have to trust God for everything: food, clothes, transportation, and a pay cheque.
But then maybe you find a good job and work hard. You are diligent. You save. You invest. Things start going really well.
You don't have to really worry much about your day-to-day needs. And then one day the boss calls you in and says, "With this economy, we have to do some downsizing. We will have to let some people go. We are really sorry, but this is your last week with us."
Now you begin to sense trouble ahead. You start panicking. You are wondering what you will do.
Did God provide for you in the past? Yes, He did. Will He take care of you in the present? Yes, He will. Yet we often forget this. The same God who was there for you in the past is with you today!
Prayer: Thank God for being Your ever present help in times of need.
Scriptural Reading: Matthew 16:5-12

THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES

God always reveals himself by his covenant name. He reveals his covenant name in the person of Jesus.
The name of Jesus is not an ordinary name. It is a name above every name. It is the name by which every creation is named. It has a specific anointing to it. Act 10:38 reads, How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him.’ The name of Jesus is anointed. It is set apart. So when we are called by the name of Jesus, the anointing on Jesus falls on us. The glory that is upon Jesus has been bequeathed on us because we have been identified with that name. You and I bare the name of Jesus. God has given us a name. 
How do we use that name?
God wants us to use the name of Jesus authoritatively. Jesus said, ‘All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.’ (Matthew 28:18). The power you need is in Jesus. In Mark 16:17, Jesus said, ‘And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues.’ In Acts 3:16, Peter said, ‘…Faith in his name has made this man strong.’ When we use his name authoritatively, we will see results. When faced with the challenges of life, use the name of Jesus. 
The name of Jesus is atonement for our sins. His name covers our offence. No matter what we have done, when we confess our sins and repent, the name of Jesus atones for our sins. When you receive Jesus, you move from death to eternal life. Go and sin no more. God put Jesus in our place. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, ‘For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. 1 John 2:12 tells us, ‘I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake.’ Our sins are forgiven not because of what we have done but because of what Jesus did; not because of our effort but because of the work of Christ on the cross

Tuesday 17 June 2014

Remember, God Doesn't Do Roadblocks

Arrrrrrrggghhhhhhh
I feel like screaming now........
I feel like cutting this portion of the scriptures and just chewing at it until I get it into my cerebrum.....(my brain, my thinking and processing brain)
This means so much to me now, and I am sure that it will mean a lot more to some of my sisters.
Do you know that moment when you feel like ITS NOT JUST WORTH ALL THE EFFORT!
Why do I even bother to hold on? All that I ever do seem to go unnoticed anyway? The more I press, the more I get hit hard and painful!
Yeah, that time, that's what I am taking about!
I had one of such recently and God brought me to this scripture.....it jolted my heart back to life from the isolation and anger and self pity that the enemy was beginning to throw at me.....
LAMENTATIONS 3:25-33
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The “worst” is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: (Lamentations 3:25-33 MSG)
Quietly hoping!
When you are waiting for a miracle and you know that nothing humanly possible will bring you a quicker answer, you just know that all that is left is for you to wait.
The widow of Zarephath waited!!!!
It was obvious that she couldn't do any more than embrace the condition she found herself in whilst waiting for a miracle of provision.
She had to wait quietly .
The bible says DONT ASK QUESTIONS!
That is really hard!!!!!!!
Because I am so fond of doing that!
God, why now?
God, when is it going to be my turn?
God , where is your face?
God what have I done to deserve this?
God, which one are you going to do for me out of all my requestS
God, am I not serving you enough ?
He says STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!!!!!!
Next He says.....WAIT!
Okay!!!!!! Wait?
After how many years , I should do what?
WAIT!!!!!!!
There is no need rushing ahead of the person who will show you the door access to where you are going...so WAIT.
He knows when the deadline is, He knows what the requirements are!
Don't run ahead of Him, wait!!!!!!
The last verse of that scripture is all that I need you to remember ....
Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way: (Lamentations 3:25-33 MSG)
God will not walk out on you!
Some of you watched dad, mum, siblings, step sibling walk out on you! Leaving, breaking, hurting, is all that you have been taught all your life.....don't worry, GOD DOESNT ABANDON SHIP IN TURMOIL!!!!
Do you feel like you are too deep in the mess to look up ever again?
QUIETLY HOPE,
SET TIME ASIDE ALONE
WAIT,
BE SILENT
BOW IN PRAYERS
FACE THE TROUBLE HEAD ON
DONT BE INTIMIDATED.
and having done all.......Forgive yourself of all past mistakes....
Remember, God doesn't throw roadblocks in our paths! So if you are seeing one at the moment, know that God didn't put it there, and if He had allowed it to remain there, it must be that He has a reason for it being there and he has given you the maps for alternative routes
by Sis Bola

Monday 16 June 2014

Prayer for new week

The Holy Spirit is your divine assistance. He will help you, He will keep you. As far as your life's assignment is concerned, you will finish well. Your great dreams, aspirations and revelations will surely manifest. You will not live in the shadow of God's master-plan for your life In Jesus Name!.
Even if you have made the worst mistake and missed the road to the top, God will cause all things to work for your good in Jesus Name!
Get ready for an unusual turnaround. Everything about you, from your health, relationships, faith and finances are being perfected this instant in Jesus name.
                
Happy New Week from us ASB-World, J

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